1
00:02:35,171 --> 00:02:38,288
- What's up, George?
- You'll find out.

2
00:03:01,771 --> 00:03:02,920
Where is he?

3
00:03:03,091 --> 00:03:05,047
The chief is the most
punctual man on earth.

4
00:03:05,211 --> 00:03:08,487
In exactly one and four-fifths seconds
that door will open and...

5
00:03:08,651 --> 00:03:09,925
[DOOR CLICKS]

6
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:36,519
We're ready, sir.

7
00:03:36,691 --> 00:03:37,965
[COUGHS]

8
00:03:42,811 --> 00:03:46,360
This magazine <i>Stop</i>
was started not by my father...

9
00:03:46,531 --> 00:03:50,080
...not by my grandfather
but by my great grandmother.

10
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:54,563
It has been in my family now
for four generations.

11
00:03:54,731 --> 00:03:57,325
I've called this meeting today
to say how pleased I am...

12
00:03:57,491 --> 00:04:00,085
...with the way all of you
have worked together...

13
00:04:00,251 --> 00:04:02,845
...put shoulder to shoulder
and succeeded in turning...

14
00:04:03,011 --> 00:04:08,529
...this venerable family publication
into the filthy rag it is today.

15
00:04:08,691 --> 00:04:10,329
[CHUCKLING AND CHATTERING]

16
00:04:10,491 --> 00:04:14,245
The results of this achievement
are right there on the chart.

17
00:04:14,931 --> 00:04:19,402
On the editorial page of today's
<i>New York Herald Tribune...</i>

18
00:04:19,571 --> 00:04:23,325
...there are words of praise
we have never received before.

19
00:04:23,491 --> 00:04:24,970
I quote:

20
00:04:25,411 --> 00:04:29,768
<i>"Stop</i> magazine has degenerated
into the most disgusting scandal sheet...

21
00:04:29,931 --> 00:04:32,365
<i>...the</i> human mind can recall."

22
00:04:32,531 --> 00:04:33,646
Well, that's pretty good.

23
00:04:33,811 --> 00:04:39,681
And <i>Editor</i> and <i>Publisher</i> calls us vile,
monstrous, depraved.

24
00:04:40,211 --> 00:04:44,523
Gentlemen, if we continue
to receive tributes like these...

25
00:04:44,691 --> 00:04:47,251
...this piece of trash of ours
will undoubtedly become...

26
00:04:47,411 --> 00:04:50,960
...the most influential publication
in the world.

27
00:04:53,451 --> 00:04:56,329
Mr. Sylvester, congratulations.

28
00:04:56,491 --> 00:05:01,519
Your article on Helen Brown,
a masterpiece of slandered...

29
00:05:01,691 --> 00:05:03,329
...spiteful journalism.

30
00:05:06,531 --> 00:05:07,520
And you, Mr. Holmes.

31
00:05:08,651 --> 00:05:13,486
I've just read the advanced copy
of your new article on space travel.

32
00:05:13,651 --> 00:05:16,119
"Sex in a capsule."

33
00:05:16,291 --> 00:05:18,327
I don't believe
I'm overpraising you one <i>bit...</i>

34
00:05:18,491 --> 00:05:23,281
...when I say that it brings the whole
difficult field of science reporting...

35
00:05:23,451 --> 00:05:24,850
...to a new low.

36
00:05:25,011 --> 00:05:26,205
Thank you, sir.

37
00:05:26,371 --> 00:05:28,646
But if one person
is to be singled out for credit...

38
00:05:28,811 --> 00:05:32,326
<i>...I'm</i> sure we'd all agree
on who that person should be.

39
00:05:32,491 --> 00:05:33,606
Bob Weston.

40
00:05:33,771 --> 00:05:35,682
Stand up, Bob.

41
00:05:36,811 --> 00:05:42,727
And let me thank you from the heart
for living down to my expectations.

42
00:05:42,891 --> 00:05:48,443
If there is a dirtier mind than yours in
the whole field of magazine publishing...

43
00:05:48,611 --> 00:05:51,921
...or a nature more vulgar and corrupt...

44
00:05:52,091 --> 00:05:55,527
...well, heh, heh,
I'd like to know where it is.

45
00:05:55,691 --> 00:05:56,885
- Bob.
BOB: Thank you.

46
00:05:57,051 --> 00:05:59,690
- Keep up the bad work.
- Thank you. Uh...

47
00:06:00,811 --> 00:06:03,245
I'm blessed, truly <i>blessed...</i>

48
00:06:03,411 --> 00:06:07,404
...to work for a gentleman
of your courage and integrity, sir.

49
00:06:07,571 --> 00:06:09,721
And to have such a fine editorial staff...

50
00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:13,770
...that shares the same
lack of ideals that I do.

51
00:06:14,251 --> 00:06:19,405
All I can say
is that you haven't seen anything yet.

52
00:06:19,571 --> 00:06:23,359
For an example, I've got an idea
for a follow-up on that kid...

53
00:06:23,531 --> 00:06:27,763
...that, uh, Dr. Helen Brown,
that will blast every other magazine...

54
00:06:27,931 --> 00:06:30,320
...right off the newsstands.

55
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:34,166
It's a personal expos�
right from her own lips.

56
00:06:34,331 --> 00:06:39,086
Does she or doesn't she?
Either way, it's a crummy story.

57
00:06:39,251 --> 00:06:41,719
And I promise
to deliver this one personally.

58
00:06:41,891 --> 00:06:43,643
GEORGE:
Three cheers for Bob Weston.

59
00:06:43,851 --> 00:06:45,762
- Hip-hip.
ALL: Hurrah.

60
00:06:45,931 --> 00:06:47,364
GEORGE: Hip-hip.
ALL: Hurrah.

61
00:06:47,531 --> 00:06:49,408
GEORGE: Hip-hip.
ALL: Hurrah.

62
00:06:49,571 --> 00:06:51,482
For the chief.

63
00:07:13,651 --> 00:07:15,243
Good morning, have you seen this?

64
00:07:15,411 --> 00:07:16,844
HELEN:
I most certainly have.

65
00:07:17,011 --> 00:07:18,888
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

66
00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:21,169
- We've had what?
- Six cancellations.

67
00:07:21,331 --> 00:07:22,605
Ugh.

68
00:07:25,851 --> 00:07:28,809
"A contemptible, lamentable <i>hoax...</i>

69
00:07:28,971 --> 00:07:34,364
...filling frustrated feminine minds
with dirty delusions of grandeur."

70
00:07:34,531 --> 00:07:37,762
I don't like this. I don't like it at all.

71
00:07:37,931 --> 00:07:40,889
Dr. Anderson, I hope you don't think
that I'm happy about it.

72
00:07:41,051 --> 00:07:45,522
This filthy rag is using sex and me for
no better purpose than to make money.

73
00:07:45,691 --> 00:07:47,921
The best thing you can do, Helen,
is forget it.

74
00:07:48,091 --> 00:07:49,365
Listen to your psychiatrist.

75
00:07:49,531 --> 00:07:52,648
- But you're not my psychiatrist.
- I'm the institute psychiatrist.

76
00:07:52,811 --> 00:07:54,881
And I know that sticks and stones...

77
00:07:55,051 --> 00:07:56,484
Oh, shut up, Rudy.

78
00:07:56,651 --> 00:07:58,801
I'm so mad I could throw
sticks and stones.

79
00:07:58,971 --> 00:08:02,759
I've devoted my life to this institute
and now look at the notoriety.

80
00:08:03,251 --> 00:08:05,446
Well, I didn't ask them
to write this, you know.

81
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,169
Did you read what they called me?

82
00:08:07,331 --> 00:08:10,607
"She should be ashamed, and millions
of women should be ashamed...

83
00:08:10,771 --> 00:08:14,127
...for bringing their intimate problems
to someone with all the knowledge...

84
00:08:14,291 --> 00:08:16,327
...and personal experience
of a 23-year-old..."

85
00:08:16,491 --> 00:08:18,561
Stop! Don't you say it.

86
00:08:19,371 --> 00:08:22,886
The nerve of them. The gall.

87
00:08:23,051 --> 00:08:26,361
To call me,
Dr. Helen Gurley Brown...

88
00:08:26,531 --> 00:08:28,806
...a 23-year-old virgin.

89
00:08:28,971 --> 00:08:32,520
Traditionally, Helen,
the term is considered a compliment.

90
00:08:32,691 --> 00:08:36,650
Well, not by me. Do you realize
I've lost six patients already?

91
00:08:36,811 --> 00:08:42,602
Because people don't want to be helped
by a, uh, 23-year-old person.

92
00:08:42,771 --> 00:08:44,409
Oh, I'm just gonna sue them.

93
00:08:44,571 --> 00:08:46,880
I'm gonna sue them.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.

94
00:08:47,051 --> 00:08:48,450
ANDERSON: Helen, please.
- I'm gonna sue.

95
00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:52,843
Hasn't this bestseller of yours already
exposed us all to enough ridicule?

96
00:08:53,011 --> 00:08:55,206
I urged you not to publish it.

97
00:08:55,371 --> 00:08:58,204
Dr. Anderson, my bestseller
is the best thing...

98
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,805
...that ever happened
to this institute and you know it.

99
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,885
Where is Dr. Offenbach?
Why isn't he here?

100
00:09:04,051 --> 00:09:07,202
Offenbach is at the U.N. Getting money.

101
00:09:07,371 --> 00:09:08,770
Exactly. And we're <i>getting...</i>

102
00:09:08,931 --> 00:09:11,650
...more grants and cooperation
than we ever got before...

103
00:09:11,811 --> 00:09:13,961
...and all because I wrote that bestseller.

104
00:09:14,131 --> 00:09:15,689
But it has no technical value.

105
00:09:15,851 --> 00:09:19,639
And it will be of no help to anyone
in my field or yours.

106
00:09:20,011 --> 00:09:22,047
Well, I didn't write the book to help us.

107
00:09:22,211 --> 00:09:25,009
I wrote it to help the unmarried women
in this country.

108
00:09:25,171 --> 00:09:28,083
To stop being ashamed of sex
or being single.

109
00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:31,607
And I want them to stop behaving
like mice and start behaving like men.

110
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,683
Why not like single women,
if they have nothing to be ashamed of?

111
00:09:34,851 --> 00:09:37,763
What? Oh, shut up, Rudy.

112
00:09:37,931 --> 00:09:39,967
Ever since I wrote that bestseller...

113
00:09:40,131 --> 00:09:43,646
...all of you have been behaving
like a bunch of pompous children.

114
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:46,645
I mean it.

115
00:09:46,811 --> 00:09:49,325
I don't think that any of you
know one single thing...

116
00:09:49,491 --> 00:09:52,483
...about the real problems
that are facing this country.

117
00:09:52,651 --> 00:09:56,041
And now, if you don't mind,
I have a patient waiting.

118
00:10:00,211 --> 00:10:05,080
Well, gentlemen, we have just
been told off by a 23-year-old...

119
00:10:05,891 --> 00:10:07,290
You know, that comment about Helen...

120
00:10:07,451 --> 00:10:10,727
...raises some rather
interesting questions about her.

121
00:10:10,891 --> 00:10:12,370
Either way.

122
00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:17,089
- Where is Ms. Nielsen?
- She called up and cancelled.

123
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:18,764
That magazine article again.

124
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:20,805
[SIGHS]

125
00:10:20,971 --> 00:10:25,089
If I could just get my hands on the
arrogant imbecile responsible for this.

126
00:10:25,251 --> 00:10:26,650
I'd knock out both his <i>teeth...</i>

127
00:10:26,811 --> 00:10:29,848
...blacken his eyes and rip out
every hair from his head.

128
00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:32,490
Susan?

129
00:10:32,651 --> 00:10:35,211
- Oh, how are you feeling?
- Fine.

130
00:10:35,371 --> 00:10:37,282
Oh, that's nice.
Have there been any calls?

131
00:10:37,451 --> 00:10:39,487
- No, darling.
- Darling, huh?

132
00:10:39,651 --> 00:10:43,121
You call me darling again and I'm gonna
send you to the <i>Reader's Digest.</i>

133
00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:45,851
Dr. Helen Brown says that
by being properly aggressive...

134
00:10:46,011 --> 00:10:48,127
...a girl can land any man she wants to.

135
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:50,486
Well, you're not a girl,
you're a secretary.

136
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,927
I am one of 23 million single girls
in this country.

137
00:10:54,091 --> 00:10:56,969
And there are only 19 million
of you eligible bachelors.

138
00:10:57,131 --> 00:10:59,201
Now, what are we surplus girls
supposed to do?

139
00:10:59,371 --> 00:11:03,284
We're healthy and normal and eager
to love and be loved. Dr. Brown says...

140
00:11:03,451 --> 00:11:05,248
You read too much, that's your problem.

141
00:11:05,411 --> 00:11:07,288
Brown doesn't know
what she's talking <i>about...</i>

142
00:11:07,451 --> 00:11:09,442
<i>...when</i> she's talking about
someone like me.

143
00:11:09,611 --> 00:11:13,604
A man with brains and experience.
Dr. Brown.

144
00:11:13,891 --> 00:11:16,200
I'll bet you this kid's been
giving flying lessons...

145
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,248
<i>...and</i> she's never been off the ground.

146
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,242
Get her on the phone,
I wanna talk to her.

147
00:11:20,411 --> 00:11:22,242
Yes, darling.

148
00:11:23,411 --> 00:11:27,643
Look under Brown, B-R-O-W-N.

149
00:11:37,971 --> 00:11:39,723
[PHONE RINGS]

150
00:11:39,891 --> 00:11:42,564
976-0404.

151
00:11:42,731 --> 00:11:44,084
Who?

152
00:11:44,691 --> 00:11:46,409
One moment please.

153
00:11:46,571 --> 00:11:50,689
HELEN [OVER INTERCOM]: <i>Yes?</i>
- Mr. Robert Weston of <i>Stop</i> magazine.

154
00:11:51,091 --> 00:11:52,604
Oh, really?

155
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:53,760
[CHUCKLES]

156
00:11:53,931 --> 00:11:56,240
I'd be delighted to speak to him.

157
00:11:56,651 --> 00:11:57,925
[PHONE CLICKS]

158
00:11:58,891 --> 00:12:00,961
- Hello?
BOB: <i>Dr. Brown?</i>

159
00:12:01,131 --> 00:12:04,521
<i>This is Robert Weston,</i>
<i>the managing editor of</i> Stop <i>magazine.</i>

160
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:07,763
I want you to know that I'm outraged,
absolutely outraged...

161
00:12:07,931 --> 00:12:10,809
...by this unwarranted attack upon you
in our current issue.

162
00:12:10,971 --> 00:12:13,849
I want you to know that I have
fired the man who was responsible.

163
00:12:14,011 --> 00:12:15,239
I am not upset.

164
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:16,890
Well, you would have every right.

165
00:12:17,051 --> 00:12:20,327
I was wondering, maybe we could have
dinner one night, just the two of us?

166
00:12:20,491 --> 00:12:23,289
And we could talk over
this unfortunate misunderstanding.

167
00:12:23,731 --> 00:12:26,529
- There was no misunderstanding.
<i>- Try to undo the damage done.</i>

168
00:12:26,691 --> 00:12:28,010
I have suffered no damage.

169
00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:30,447
I really sincerely would.

170
00:12:30,611 --> 00:12:33,409
And I really sincerely
would not be interested...

171
00:12:33,571 --> 00:12:35,687
...in the help
of the managing editor of <i>Stop.</i>

172
00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:40,003
Or anyone else connected
with that filthy rag you call a magazine.

173
00:12:40,451 --> 00:12:41,645
She called us a filthy rag.

174
00:12:41,811 --> 00:12:45,963
However, there is one thing
that you could do for me.

175
00:12:46,131 --> 00:12:47,405
Anything.

176
00:12:48,411 --> 00:12:49,730
Why don't you <i>go...</i>

177
00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:50,880
[INAUDIBLE]

178
00:12:51,051 --> 00:12:53,440
What a mouth on that girl. Uh...

179
00:12:54,011 --> 00:12:56,969
Susan, I may have been wrong.

180
00:12:58,731 --> 00:13:01,450
I'd like to be able to get to that broad.

181
00:13:01,771 --> 00:13:02,920
I need a plan.

182
00:13:03,091 --> 00:13:06,322
Something that's vicious,
low, filthy and dirty.

183
00:13:06,491 --> 00:13:09,130
Well, you'll think of something, angel.

184
00:13:14,051 --> 00:13:15,040
[WHISTLES]

185
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:17,122
GRETCHEN:
Wait till you hear this.

186
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,042
[GRETcHEN'S "SEX AND
THE SINGLE GIRL" PLAYING]

187
00:13:23,531 --> 00:13:26,170
[MOUTHING]
<i>Mention sex</i>

188
00:13:26,331 --> 00:13:31,041
<i>And the single girl is cool and shy</i>

189
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:34,044
<i>She objects</i>

190
00:13:34,211 --> 00:13:39,524
<i>To discussing sex with any guy</i>

191
00:13:39,691 --> 00:13:41,329
<i>You can bet</i>

192
00:13:41,491 --> 00:13:47,680
<i>She's as interested as he</i>

193
00:13:47,851 --> 00:13:51,685
<i>If sex weren 't 50-50</i>

194
00:13:51,851 --> 00:13:54,843
<i>Where would everybody be?</i>

195
00:13:55,011 --> 00:13:57,525
<i>Mention sex</i>

196
00:13:57,691 --> 00:14:02,719
<i>And the single girl will blush a lot</i>

197
00:14:02,891 --> 00:14:05,689
<i>Though she wrecks</i>

198
00:14:05,851 --> 00:14:11,528
<i>Every single guy with what she's got</i>

199
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:16,599
<i>Then a guy she can 't ignore</i>

200
00:14:16,771 --> 00:14:20,127
<i>Tells her what she's waited for</i>

201
00:14:20,291 --> 00:14:25,729
<i>And suddenly she's not single anymore</i>

202
00:14:25,891 --> 00:14:27,847
Very good. Very good record.

203
00:14:28,011 --> 00:14:31,367
My agent said if I sell as many copies
as the book, I'll be rich.

204
00:14:31,531 --> 00:14:32,566
[HUMMING]

205
00:14:32,731 --> 00:14:34,084
- Something's burning.
- I know.

206
00:14:34,251 --> 00:14:36,003
My sauce.

207
00:14:36,171 --> 00:14:39,686
Gretchen, you read this book
<i>Sex and the Single Girl,</i> right?

208
00:14:39,851 --> 00:14:42,524
What do you think of Helen
Gurley Brown? Is she on the level?

209
00:14:42,691 --> 00:14:45,603
I don't know, honey. I don't think
I ever lived like a single girl.

210
00:14:45,971 --> 00:14:49,850
Oh, I'd like to prove that she was
as pure as the driven snow.

211
00:14:50,011 --> 00:14:51,569
Gretchen, let me ask you something.

212
00:14:51,731 --> 00:14:54,564
- Lf you were as pure as the...
- I can't remember that far back.

213
00:14:54,731 --> 00:14:57,199
But you wouldn't go
to the extreme like some people.

214
00:14:57,371 --> 00:14:58,963
The sauce...

215
00:14:59,331 --> 00:15:01,561
GRETCHEN [ON RECORDING]:
<i>Mention sex</i>

216
00:15:01,731 --> 00:15:07,203
<i>And the single girl will slap your face</i>

217
00:15:07,371 --> 00:15:11,046
[MOUTHING]
<i>That reflex is designed</i>

218
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:14,248
<i>To keep you in your place</i>

219
00:15:14,411 --> 00:15:16,527
- Fabulous.
- Thank you.

220
00:15:16,691 --> 00:15:20,730
<i>She believes that virtue pays</i>

221
00:15:20,891 --> 00:15:24,167
<i>Until she hears that magic phrase</i>

222
00:15:24,331 --> 00:15:28,643
<i>And suddenly she's not single</i>

223
00:15:28,811 --> 00:15:30,722
<i>Anymore</i>

224
00:15:30,891 --> 00:15:32,802
[GLASS CRASHING]

225
00:15:38,091 --> 00:15:41,288
S YLvlA: Now look what you've <i>done...</i>
- Honey, we just can't go on like this.

226
00:15:41,451 --> 00:15:44,284
I'm sorry, Gretchen,
but he's got no place to...

227
00:15:44,451 --> 00:15:46,726
- I practically have to live with him.
- Practically?

228
00:15:46,891 --> 00:15:49,451
Come on, be a good person.
Come on, go ahead.

229
00:15:49,611 --> 00:15:52,842
S YLvlA: I suppose you've been beating
drums for the Salvation Army since 6:00.

230
00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:56,845
FRANK: If you knew where I were
you'd be ashamed, Sylvia, ashamed.

231
00:15:57,011 --> 00:15:58,569
S YLVIA:
That's for sure.

232
00:15:58,731 --> 00:16:01,120
FRANK: I'm not gonna stay
in this house one more minute.

233
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:04,328
S YLVIA: Well, you just get going.
You're not gonna stay one more minute.

234
00:16:04,491 --> 00:16:07,369
FRANK: I think that may be the first
thing we've agreed on in 10 years.

235
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,681
- Take your stockings with you.
FRANK: Facing bankruptcy.

236
00:16:09,851 --> 00:16:11,364
Poverty staring me in the face.

237
00:16:11,531 --> 00:16:14,364
- The competition's killing me.
S YLVIA: Good, that saves me the trouble.

238
00:16:14,531 --> 00:16:16,123
I began calling you this afternoon.

239
00:16:16,291 --> 00:16:18,646
FRANK: I was with my manager.
I'm coming out with a new line.

240
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:19,846
S YLVIA:
Well, it's about time.

241
00:16:20,011 --> 00:16:21,967
I'm getting sick
of listening to your old one.

242
00:16:22,131 --> 00:16:26,204
I'm finished.
Ten years, ten long years...

243
00:16:26,371 --> 00:16:29,408
...of loyalty, devotion, hard work.

244
00:16:30,731 --> 00:16:33,291
It's over, Bob. Sylvia and I are through.

245
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:34,440
Oh, come on.

246
00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:37,205
It's your anniversary,
and I've made all the arrangements.

247
00:16:37,371 --> 00:16:39,931
FRANK: That's over too.
- It better not be.

248
00:16:40,091 --> 00:16:44,289
I spent over three hours picking out
a dress for our wedding anniversary.

249
00:16:44,451 --> 00:16:46,806
You better be here at 8:00 tomorrow
to pick me up...

250
00:16:46,971 --> 00:16:50,168
<i>...or</i> I'll bleed you for alimony so big,
you'll scream.

251
00:16:50,331 --> 00:16:51,969
- Hello, Bob.
- Sylvia.

252
00:16:52,131 --> 00:16:54,645
May I have my sample case, please?

253
00:16:54,811 --> 00:16:57,962
How do you expect me to fight
the competition without my samples?

254
00:16:58,131 --> 00:17:00,361
Do you think I want them?

255
00:17:00,531 --> 00:17:03,682
I wouldn't be seen naked
in junk like that.

256
00:17:03,851 --> 00:17:05,603
FRANK:
Junk?

257
00:17:10,691 --> 00:17:11,965
Junk?

258
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:15,407
Gretchen, feel this, will you?
I'm not asking for praise, really I'm not.

259
00:17:15,571 --> 00:17:18,563
Anywhere you could find
a better stocking than this for the price?

260
00:17:18,731 --> 00:17:22,087
- What's the price?
- I don't remember.

261
00:17:29,651 --> 00:17:31,369
I'm sorry. Am I interrupting anything?

262
00:17:31,531 --> 00:17:35,080
Oh, no, I was just collecting
for the Red Cross.

263
00:17:36,971 --> 00:17:40,327
Gretchen, please take a cab,
and I'll call you in the morning.

264
00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:42,402
I'm awful sorry.

265
00:17:44,651 --> 00:17:47,529
- Frank.
- I already gave.

266
00:17:50,851 --> 00:17:53,046
- Bob.
- Frank.

267
00:17:53,211 --> 00:17:55,008
I'm miserable, I might as well admit it.

268
00:17:55,171 --> 00:17:57,401
What do you call
when you hate the woman you love?

269
00:17:57,571 --> 00:17:58,560
A wife.

270
00:17:58,731 --> 00:18:00,369
It's all very well for you to <i>joke...</i>

271
00:18:00,531 --> 00:18:03,364
...but my marriage is coming to an end
after almost 10 years.

272
00:18:03,531 --> 00:18:05,999
I don't think I'll ever smile again
as long as I live.

273
00:18:06,171 --> 00:18:08,969
- Frank, don't take it so bad, you'll see...
- Hey.

274
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,122
Hey, this is pretty funny. Look.
Heh, heh, heh.

275
00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,721
That's not funny, that's filth.

276
00:18:15,331 --> 00:18:18,528
You know, of all our competitors,
<i>Dirt</i> magazine is the...

277
00:18:18,891 --> 00:18:20,563
I'm sorry.

278
00:18:20,971 --> 00:18:24,168
I'll bet you by tomorrow you and Sylvia
will be the best of pals again.

279
00:18:24,331 --> 00:18:26,561
- No, not this time.
- You watch, believe me.

280
00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,926
Even if we are,
we'll just start fighting again.

281
00:18:29,091 --> 00:18:31,400
We just never seem
to learn to get along.

282
00:18:31,571 --> 00:18:33,050
And Lord knows I've tried.

283
00:18:34,691 --> 00:18:35,806
BOB:
I know you have, Frank.

284
00:18:35,971 --> 00:18:39,122
You're one of the nicest, sweetest,
most attractive guys I know.

285
00:18:43,011 --> 00:18:44,524
Gretchen.

286
00:18:45,771 --> 00:18:47,807
You know,
I wish you'd try a little bit harder.

287
00:18:47,971 --> 00:18:51,486
Because these fights of yours are making
it awful tough for Gretchen and me.

288
00:18:51,651 --> 00:18:54,119
Hey, I got it.

289
00:18:54,291 --> 00:18:57,488
Why don't you try a marriage counselor.
Or one of those psychiatrists.

290
00:18:57,651 --> 00:18:59,369
Me? Sylvia's the one that should go.

291
00:18:59,531 --> 00:19:01,362
She's the one who's insanely jealous.

292
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:03,681
Jealous? Me?

293
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,411
Of a skinny middle-aged phony like you?

294
00:19:06,571 --> 00:19:09,961
I'll cut your throat.
I'll poison your mouthwash.

295
00:19:10,131 --> 00:19:12,042
BOB:
Sylvia.

296
00:19:12,211 --> 00:19:13,644
Bob, you know me.

297
00:19:13,811 --> 00:19:17,440
In 10 years, from the day I was married,
have I so much as looked at another girl?

298
00:19:17,611 --> 00:19:20,409
I've looked at their legs,
but that's because it's my business.

299
00:19:20,571 --> 00:19:22,084
But Sylvia won't believe me.

300
00:19:22,251 --> 00:19:24,719
Sure, she needs help
but she won't go for it.

301
00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:29,288
- Why don't you go instead?
- Me?

302
00:19:29,451 --> 00:19:31,043
Bob, you think you got competition?

303
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,600
You don't know the stocking business.
It's cutthroat.

304
00:19:33,771 --> 00:19:35,727
Why, they're slicing me up like salami.

305
00:19:35,891 --> 00:19:36,960
Would you believe it?

306
00:19:37,131 --> 00:19:38,610
Sam Butterworth, my ex-partner...

307
00:19:38,771 --> 00:19:42,650
...is coming out with a stocking
I've been thinking about for 15 years.

308
00:19:42,811 --> 00:19:45,484
Sure, I'd see anybody,
I'd do anything to save my <i>marriage...</i>

309
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:47,209
<i>...but</i> I just can't take the time.

310
00:19:47,371 --> 00:19:49,123
Frank, I've got the <i>time...</i>

311
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:51,885
<i>...and</i> I've got an idea
that's gonna save the both of us.

312
00:19:52,051 --> 00:19:54,121
- So let's drink a toast.
- To what?

313
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:57,681
To your marriage and my magazine.
Come on.

314
00:20:07,411 --> 00:20:09,083
Ahem. Please.

315
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,005
- Um, B-R-O-D...
- E-R-l-C...

316
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,650
Frank Broderick.

317
00:20:15,811 --> 00:20:17,563
- Frank Broderick, fine.
- That's it.

318
00:20:17,731 --> 00:20:20,962
- And your occupation?
- I manufacture ladies' hosiery.

319
00:20:21,451 --> 00:20:25,649
And, um,
what seems to be the problem?

320
00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:27,880
My wife.

321
00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:36,002
She thinks I'm a, uh, Don Juan.

322
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:38,890
We have a psychiatrist here...

323
00:20:39,051 --> 00:20:41,246
...who specializes in men
with a Don Juan complex.

324
00:20:41,411 --> 00:20:43,288
He's treating one case now
who's very rare.

325
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:46,648
- You would be his second.
- You don't understand, doctor.

326
00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:49,848
My wife is wrong.
I don't chase after girls.

327
00:20:50,011 --> 00:20:51,364
- You don't?
- No.

328
00:20:51,531 --> 00:20:54,170
Well, that's even more rare.
Why don't you?

329
00:20:54,331 --> 00:20:57,448
I don't have the time.
The competition is killing me.

330
00:20:57,611 --> 00:21:00,569
They're slicing me up like a salami.

331
00:21:00,731 --> 00:21:05,122
Doctor, you don't know what the
ladies' hosiery business is like. Cutthroat.

332
00:21:05,291 --> 00:21:09,603
In the 10 years that I've been married,
I haven't had time to look at another girl.

333
00:21:09,771 --> 00:21:11,409
But do you think my wife believes me?

334
00:21:11,571 --> 00:21:14,404
Oh, no. She says I'm out all the time.

335
00:21:15,811 --> 00:21:18,848
Mr. Broderick, when did
all of this jealousy start?

336
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:20,963
On our honeymoon.

337
00:21:21,131 --> 00:21:22,769
Even before our honeymoon, I guess.

338
00:21:22,931 --> 00:21:25,604
She knows I used to play around a lot
before we were married.

339
00:21:25,771 --> 00:21:28,968
- How does she know?
- She's the one I used to play around with.

340
00:21:29,131 --> 00:21:32,840
Now she thinks every girl in nylon
is after me or vice versa.

341
00:21:33,771 --> 00:21:36,365
Well, you're a very
good-Iooking man, Mr. Broderick.

342
00:21:37,331 --> 00:21:39,720
You're a very beautiful girl, Dr. Brown.

343
00:21:40,931 --> 00:21:42,489
Thank you.

344
00:21:44,331 --> 00:21:47,641
Um, there was a purpose
to my observation.

345
00:21:47,811 --> 00:21:52,487
Please, tell me, what happened
on the honeymoon?

346
00:21:52,651 --> 00:21:54,084
Well, we...

347
00:21:55,451 --> 00:21:56,679
I mean to make her jealous.

348
00:21:56,851 --> 00:21:59,524
Of course.
To make her jealous, of course.

349
00:21:59,691 --> 00:22:02,569
I picked Sylvia up
in my arms, you know...

350
00:22:02,731 --> 00:22:05,928
...just like in the movies,
and I carried her up to the bridal suite.

351
00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:09,367
Just then a girl came walking by.

352
00:22:09,531 --> 00:22:12,841
Wearing the new Grecian Mist,
60-gauge...

353
00:22:13,011 --> 00:22:16,765
...15-denier nylons put out
by my ex-partner Sam Butterworth.

354
00:22:17,251 --> 00:22:18,923
Yes? And then what happened?

355
00:22:19,091 --> 00:22:21,082
I rapped Sylvia's head
right into the door.

356
00:22:21,251 --> 00:22:23,719
Maybe that's why
she's a little nuts now.

357
00:22:26,651 --> 00:22:31,281
Mr. Broderick, is there any basis
in reality for your wife's suspicions?

358
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:33,089
Absolutely not.

359
00:22:33,651 --> 00:22:37,121
I find it very hard to believe that such
unreasonable jealousy could have...

360
00:22:37,291 --> 00:22:39,759
Now you're talking just like a woman.

361
00:22:39,931 --> 00:22:42,809
She's jealous, she's gotta
have something to be jealous about?

362
00:22:42,971 --> 00:22:45,201
- I didn't say that.
- That's exactly what you said.

363
00:22:45,371 --> 00:22:46,406
Well, I didn't mean it.

364
00:22:46,571 --> 00:22:49,643
I only meant that when a woman
lives with a man, she finds it easier...

365
00:22:49,811 --> 00:22:51,881
Have you ever lived with a man?

366
00:22:52,531 --> 00:22:56,206
- Have you ever been married?
- Well, no, I have never been married.

367
00:22:56,371 --> 00:22:58,441
Have you ever had
any experiences with men?

368
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,205
- I've had a good deal of experience.
- Personal experiences?

369
00:23:01,371 --> 00:23:04,568
- I've had a great deal...
- Personal experiences, doctor?

370
00:23:05,011 --> 00:23:08,367
You're beginning to sound
just like <i>Stop</i> magazine.

371
00:23:08,531 --> 00:23:11,762
Please, Mr. Broderick,
I must ask you to please allow me...

372
00:23:11,931 --> 00:23:15,401
...to ask the questions in this session.

373
00:23:15,571 --> 00:23:18,643
Oh, what a sweet, nice
and very young picture of you.

374
00:23:18,811 --> 00:23:21,723
I can't help feeling
that you've got a lot to learn.

375
00:23:22,251 --> 00:23:26,290
Mr. Broderick,
I have a Ph.D. In psychology.

376
00:23:26,451 --> 00:23:27,440
Yes.

377
00:23:27,611 --> 00:23:31,286
I also have over a year's work
here at this institute.

378
00:23:31,451 --> 00:23:33,919
- Lf my qualifications don't impress you...
- But they do.

379
00:23:34,091 --> 00:23:36,969
- There will be absolutely no charge
for this consultation.

380
00:23:37,131 --> 00:23:38,405
Doctor, believe me...

381
00:23:38,571 --> 00:23:40,368
Now, you relax and don't feel so bad.

382
00:23:40,531 --> 00:23:42,487
They do, they really do.

383
00:23:42,651 --> 00:23:46,883
After my wife read your book,
you're the only one she might listen to.

384
00:23:47,491 --> 00:23:50,961
You mean, even after the article
in that filthy rag?

385
00:23:51,131 --> 00:23:53,850
It really is a filthy rag, isn't it?

386
00:23:54,331 --> 00:23:55,366
Um...

387
00:23:55,531 --> 00:23:57,089
She wrote this magazine a letter...

388
00:23:57,251 --> 00:23:59,924
...calling them names
she wouldn't even dare call me.

389
00:24:00,091 --> 00:24:03,606
- Did she really?
- Oh, yeah, terrible letter.

390
00:24:04,171 --> 00:24:06,605
- I think I'm beginning to like Sylvia.
- I love her.

391
00:24:06,771 --> 00:24:10,650
But she'd hit the ceiling if she thought
you and me were sitting here alone.

392
00:24:10,811 --> 00:24:12,005
You know what she'd figure?

393
00:24:12,171 --> 00:24:15,004
She'd figure a broad as pretty as you
has got to be on the make.

394
00:24:15,691 --> 00:24:18,410
- Mr. Broderick...
- Please, doctor, don't misunderstand me.

395
00:24:18,571 --> 00:24:21,722
When I talk about you or any other girl,
it's only as a customer.

396
00:24:22,411 --> 00:24:25,767
You see, I make ladies' stockings
and that's all I care about is business.

397
00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:29,287
When I look at a woman's legs...
May I see your legs, please?

398
00:24:29,651 --> 00:24:31,209
When I look at a woman's <i>legs...</i>

399
00:24:31,371 --> 00:24:33,248
- They're beautiful.
HELEN: Thank you.

400
00:24:33,411 --> 00:24:36,323
When I look at a woman's legs,
I look at them because I have to...

401
00:24:36,491 --> 00:24:38,243
...not because I particularly want to.

402
00:24:38,411 --> 00:24:42,006
I mean, what good is a casing
without the sausage inside, huh?

403
00:24:44,091 --> 00:24:46,446
The competition is killing me.
It's just murdering me.

404
00:24:46,611 --> 00:24:48,567
They're hanging me.
They're hanging me.

405
00:24:48,731 --> 00:24:50,323
- Please be calm.
- Well...

406
00:24:50,491 --> 00:24:54,370
- Why didn't your wife come with you?
- Why?

407
00:24:54,531 --> 00:24:55,805
Well, I'll tell you why.

408
00:24:55,971 --> 00:24:58,531
She doesn't think she's jealous.
You know what she thinks?

409
00:24:58,691 --> 00:25:00,204
She thinks she's smart.

410
00:25:00,371 --> 00:25:03,681
And besides, she's the last person
in the world that will admit...

411
00:25:03,851 --> 00:25:06,923
...that ours is perhaps not
the most beautiful marriage in the world.

412
00:25:07,091 --> 00:25:08,240
Do you understand?

413
00:25:11,291 --> 00:25:14,647
Mr. Broderick,
I'm afraid I can't help you.

414
00:25:14,811 --> 00:25:17,644
- I'm a psychologist, not a marriage...
- But, doctor, you have to.

415
00:25:17,811 --> 00:25:19,688
I mean, you help all the single girls...

416
00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:22,046
<i>...but</i> who's gonna take care of us
married men?

417
00:25:22,251 --> 00:25:25,926
Actually, at the moment,
Mr. Broderick...

418
00:25:26,091 --> 00:25:28,924
...I am working on the married man.

419
00:25:29,931 --> 00:25:31,046
Oh, you are.

420
00:25:33,131 --> 00:25:35,964
But, you see, you're not the one
with the problem. Your wife is.

421
00:25:36,371 --> 00:25:37,963
Oh, Sylvia's got the pro... I don't.

422
00:25:40,811 --> 00:25:42,290
Well, I guess I better tell you.

423
00:25:42,451 --> 00:25:45,409
I didn't wanna tell you,
but I'm just gonna have to.

424
00:25:47,251 --> 00:25:49,242
- I have a problem.
- Really?

425
00:25:49,491 --> 00:25:54,565
Yes, and, uh, it's a very
embarrassing problem.

426
00:25:54,731 --> 00:26:00,169
And I've been a little too timid
and a little shy to tell you about it.

427
00:26:00,331 --> 00:26:03,528
Really? And, um, what is the problem?

428
00:26:04,651 --> 00:26:10,248
Well, when, uh, Sylvia hollers on me,
I get full of indecision...

429
00:26:10,411 --> 00:26:15,121
<i>...and,</i> uh, there's a great deal
of repressed hostility in me...

430
00:26:15,291 --> 00:26:19,364
...and I consequently get, uh, anxious.

431
00:26:19,531 --> 00:26:21,601
And when I'm anxious, I get scared.

432
00:26:21,771 --> 00:26:25,559
And, uh, because I'm <i>scared...</i>

433
00:26:28,611 --> 00:26:29,680
...I get inadequate.

434
00:26:34,251 --> 00:26:40,167
And, uh, because I'm inadequate,
she thinks I'm with other women.

435
00:26:40,811 --> 00:26:42,085
Aw.

436
00:26:42,611 --> 00:26:48,243
She doesn't think that I'm inadequate,
she just thinks I'm tired.

437
00:26:49,531 --> 00:26:50,600
Oh.

438
00:26:50,771 --> 00:26:54,002
Well, of course, Mr. Broderick,
that changes things.

439
00:26:54,171 --> 00:26:56,048
Yes, I think I can be of help to you now.

440
00:26:56,211 --> 00:26:58,645
Oh, doctor, I hope so,
because I have no place to turn.

441
00:26:58,811 --> 00:27:01,803
- I might even commit suicide.
- Oh, nonsense, Mr. Broderick.

442
00:27:01,971 --> 00:27:03,768
At least not until
I've finished talking to you.

443
00:27:03,931 --> 00:27:05,842
[LAUGHING]

444
00:27:10,131 --> 00:27:12,929
Oh, in time,
I will have to meet with Sylvia.

445
00:27:13,091 --> 00:27:16,640
- Yeah.
- We don't have to worry about that now.

446
00:27:17,291 --> 00:27:18,724
Hilda, would you please make...

447
00:27:18,891 --> 00:27:21,963
...an appointment for Mr. Broderick
for next week? Thank you.

448
00:27:22,131 --> 00:27:23,849
Don't worry, Mr. Broderick.

449
00:27:24,011 --> 00:27:27,287
I'm sure everything will turn out
just the way you want it to.

450
00:27:27,451 --> 00:27:32,923
I didn't think so when I came in,
but, uh, I'm beginning to believe it now.

451
00:27:33,091 --> 00:27:35,764
- Goodbye.
HELEN: Goodbye.

452
00:27:49,051 --> 00:27:50,962
[BAND PLAYING MUSIC]

453
00:28:10,171 --> 00:28:12,082
[BAND PLAYING SWING MUSIC]

454
00:28:18,451 --> 00:28:20,362
[SINGING "ANNIvERSARY SONG"]

455
00:30:16,011 --> 00:30:17,888
Congratulations, boy.

456
00:30:18,051 --> 00:30:19,848
Sylvia, look.

457
00:30:20,011 --> 00:30:22,525
S YLVIA:
Oh, look at that cake.

458
00:30:25,611 --> 00:30:27,363
Isn't it beautiful?

459
00:30:27,531 --> 00:30:30,329
Frank, I've been simply terrible to you,
haven't I?

460
00:30:30,491 --> 00:30:31,480
Oh, no. Sylvia, don't.

461
00:30:31,651 --> 00:30:33,289
Yes, I have. Don't disagree with me.

462
00:30:33,451 --> 00:30:35,760
Don't talk like that.
You haven't been terrible.

463
00:30:35,931 --> 00:30:38,286
S YLVIA: Darling, give me a coin
for the ladies' room.

464
00:30:38,451 --> 00:30:39,770
My mascara's running.

465
00:30:39,931 --> 00:30:41,728
FRANK: Here you are, angel.
- Oh, thank you.

466
00:30:41,891 --> 00:30:44,564
FRANK: Hurry back.
- I will.

467
00:30:47,051 --> 00:30:49,121
Everything
is gonna be wonderful from now on.

468
00:30:49,291 --> 00:30:50,644
I know it.

469
00:30:50,811 --> 00:30:53,450
Sylvia's gonna be kind,
loving and sweet to me.

470
00:30:53,611 --> 00:30:54,839
And me?

471
00:30:55,011 --> 00:30:58,162
I'm gonna forget all about
Sam Butterworth and the competition.

472
00:30:58,331 --> 00:31:03,530
I'm never gonna look at a pair of legs
again, unless, you know, it's <i>strictly...</i>

473
00:31:06,531 --> 00:31:08,362
- I'll be right back.
- Sure.

474
00:31:12,331 --> 00:31:16,119
Anniversaries like these always leave me
with a strange kind of longing.

475
00:31:16,291 --> 00:31:18,088
- For marriage.
- Oh, no, honey.

476
00:31:18,251 --> 00:31:20,811
I wouldn't give up my career
for marriage, kids, or happiness.

477
00:31:20,971 --> 00:31:22,802
Good girl, good girl.

478
00:31:27,211 --> 00:31:29,884
Excuse me, are you wearing
a new imported micro-mesh knit...

479
00:31:30,051 --> 00:31:32,042
...with the double crossbar stitch?

480
00:31:32,211 --> 00:31:34,566
Oh, no, on your legs.
I'm in the hosiery business.

481
00:31:34,731 --> 00:31:36,722
I don't know.
I just bought them this morning.

482
00:31:36,891 --> 00:31:39,280
- Only 89 cents.
- Eighty-nine cents?

483
00:31:39,451 --> 00:31:42,443
I always paid $3 for the other kind,
and these are just as good.

484
00:31:42,611 --> 00:31:43,839
The other kind are my kind.

485
00:31:44,011 --> 00:31:47,799
How can I compete with 89 cents?
Where did you get them?

486
00:31:47,971 --> 00:31:51,202
See, I bought them in that little shop
at Sixth and Grand.

487
00:31:51,371 --> 00:31:54,044
Sixth and Grand.
Oh, yeah, that's way down.

488
00:31:54,211 --> 00:31:56,600
What's...? You wouldn't know
the zone numb...?

489
00:31:58,531 --> 00:31:59,680
BOB:
I can't watch.

490
00:31:59,851 --> 00:32:02,604
It's all right, Sylvia's smiling.

491
00:32:03,171 --> 00:32:04,843
Oh, I'm glad you understand, Sylvia.

492
00:32:05,011 --> 00:32:06,683
It's not her address I'm writing.

493
00:32:06,851 --> 00:32:08,409
- It's the name...
- You want this bum?

494
00:32:08,571 --> 00:32:10,482
Oh, no. I have a bum of my own.

495
00:32:10,651 --> 00:32:13,040
Well, then, leave him here
for the garbage man.

496
00:32:13,211 --> 00:32:14,439
Bye, dear.

497
00:32:14,611 --> 00:32:18,650
Oh, Sylvia.
Look, Bob, it's the name of the shop.

498
00:32:22,211 --> 00:32:25,408
BOB: Look, Dr. Brown, it's only
the address of a stocking store...

499
00:32:25,571 --> 00:32:27,129
<i>...and</i> Sylvia wouldn't even look.

500
00:32:27,291 --> 00:32:31,000
I tell you, between Sylvia
and the competition, I'm so tired.

501
00:32:31,171 --> 00:32:32,968
- I don't what...
- Lie down on the couch.

502
00:32:33,131 --> 00:32:35,122
- Will that be all right?
- Of course it would.

503
00:32:35,291 --> 00:32:36,849
- Thank you, doctor.
- All right.

504
00:32:37,011 --> 00:32:38,364
Have you seen her since?

505
00:32:38,531 --> 00:32:42,319
Oh, yes, I went back that night
to apologize and explain.

506
00:32:42,491 --> 00:32:44,288
Do you mind sitting a little bit closer?

507
00:32:44,451 --> 00:32:47,284
- I can't see you over my shoulder.
- Oh, of course, I don't mind.

508
00:32:47,451 --> 00:32:49,442
- That's better.
- Did she throw you out again?

509
00:32:49,611 --> 00:32:51,681
No, she never throws me out
two nights in a row.

510
00:32:51,851 --> 00:32:53,807
- She doesn't trust me.
- Oh.

511
00:32:54,091 --> 00:32:56,321
Well, that shows she cares.

512
00:32:56,491 --> 00:32:57,560
Were you able to, um...?

513
00:32:57,731 --> 00:32:59,528
Inadequate.

514
00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:01,130
Aw.

515
00:33:01,291 --> 00:33:05,330
- I was, uh, bashful.
- Aw.

516
00:33:06,331 --> 00:33:10,040
- Oh, doctor, uh.
- Oh, no, no, no. Don't be frightened.

517
00:33:10,211 --> 00:33:12,566
Are you really so bashful with her?

518
00:33:12,731 --> 00:33:14,323
I'm even bashful with you.

519
00:33:14,491 --> 00:33:16,641
Well, there's no need to be.

520
00:33:16,811 --> 00:33:20,042
See? We're holding hands
and nothing is happening.

521
00:33:20,651 --> 00:33:22,482
Something is happening.

522
00:33:22,651 --> 00:33:25,529
You're gaining confidence.
That's what's happening.

523
00:33:25,691 --> 00:33:27,841
I'm gaining confidence,
that's what's happening.

524
00:33:28,011 --> 00:33:30,366
Good, Mr. Broderick. Good.

525
00:33:30,531 --> 00:33:33,921
Uh, I'm only bashful with girls
I find attractive...

526
00:33:34,091 --> 00:33:38,607
...like Sylvia and you.

527
00:33:42,171 --> 00:33:45,049
Me? Are you attracted to me?

528
00:33:45,211 --> 00:33:47,805
Oh, yes, Dr. Brown. I am, I am, I am.

529
00:33:48,891 --> 00:33:51,246
- Well, that's marvelous.
- Oh, it is?

530
00:33:51,411 --> 00:33:53,925
- Oh, yes, of course it is.
- Well, then, you're not mad?

531
00:33:54,091 --> 00:33:55,080
Mad?

532
00:33:55,251 --> 00:33:56,889
No, mad. Why should I be mad?

533
00:33:57,051 --> 00:33:59,326
- I'm very pleased, I'm very pleased.
- Oh, good.

534
00:33:59,491 --> 00:34:02,051
At the way our doctor-patient
relationship is progressing.

535
00:34:02,211 --> 00:34:03,360
- Oh, how nice.
- Yes.

536
00:34:03,531 --> 00:34:07,570
You must realize, of course,
that this is simply a transference.

537
00:34:07,731 --> 00:34:10,165
You worship me
not because I'm <i>attractive...</i>

538
00:34:10,331 --> 00:34:14,370
...but because to your
subconscious mind, I have become...

539
00:34:14,771 --> 00:34:17,444
- Sylvia.
- No, no, no, not Sylvia.

540
00:34:17,611 --> 00:34:21,206
To you, I have become a father figure.

541
00:34:21,371 --> 00:34:22,724
A father figure.

542
00:34:22,891 --> 00:34:24,449
That's right.

543
00:34:24,771 --> 00:34:25,920
Not a mother figure?

544
00:34:26,091 --> 00:34:27,080
Oh, no.

545
00:34:27,251 --> 00:34:28,650
- A father figure.
- Father figure.

546
00:34:28,811 --> 00:34:31,041
And if you think I'm pretty...

547
00:34:31,211 --> 00:34:33,361
I do. A lot prettier than my father.

548
00:34:33,531 --> 00:34:35,840
That's only <i>because...</i>

549
00:34:36,931 --> 00:34:38,683
Do you really think I'm pretty?

550
00:34:38,851 --> 00:34:40,887
Doctor, I think you're very, very pretty.

551
00:34:41,051 --> 00:34:43,042
In fact, you're beautiful.

552
00:34:43,931 --> 00:34:44,920
Uh...

553
00:34:45,091 --> 00:34:48,322
In fact, remember when I was holding
your hands before, l...

554
00:34:48,491 --> 00:34:52,484
I wanted to say something,
but I lacked the, uh, confidence.

555
00:34:53,771 --> 00:34:56,763
Well, say it, Mr. Broderick.
Speak right out.

556
00:34:56,931 --> 00:34:58,489
It will make you feel good.

557
00:34:59,171 --> 00:35:00,206
It's dirty.

558
00:35:00,371 --> 00:35:02,805
Good,
that will make you feel even better.

559
00:35:03,211 --> 00:35:04,644
Okay.

560
00:35:05,131 --> 00:35:08,646
Well, you know in your book, Dr. Brown,
where you write about single girls...

561
00:35:08,811 --> 00:35:11,200
...ought to get together
with married men for a while?

562
00:35:11,371 --> 00:35:12,360
Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.

563
00:35:12,531 --> 00:35:16,524
Well, I'm a married man
and you're a single <i>girl...</i>

564
00:35:16,691 --> 00:35:20,604
...and I thought
that maybe you and me...

565
00:35:20,771 --> 00:35:22,443
I told you it was gonna be dirty.

566
00:35:22,611 --> 00:35:23,885
Oh.

567
00:35:24,331 --> 00:35:26,128
You're sweet, Mr. Broderick.

568
00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:28,805
And I might even consider
your nice dirty proposal...

569
00:35:28,971 --> 00:35:33,408
<i>...if</i> I didn't know that in making it,
you are really after...

570
00:35:33,571 --> 00:35:34,560
My father.

571
00:35:34,731 --> 00:35:38,246
No, no, no, not your father. Sylvia.

572
00:35:38,411 --> 00:35:41,881
You see, you're displaying
the boldness with me...

573
00:35:42,051 --> 00:35:45,248
...that you wish to display with her,
and you can't.

574
00:35:45,411 --> 00:35:47,049
You see? Doesn't that make sense?

575
00:35:47,331 --> 00:35:48,320
[CHUCKLING]

576
00:35:48,491 --> 00:35:51,881
That's fabulous, doctor.
What a terrific diagnosis.

577
00:35:52,691 --> 00:35:54,409
- Thank you.
- It's very good, uh.

578
00:35:54,971 --> 00:35:56,450
But suppose Sylvia didn't exist?

579
00:35:56,611 --> 00:35:58,363
- But there is a Sylvia.
- Yeah, but...

580
00:35:58,531 --> 00:36:01,648
Ah-ah-ah. You're beginning
to interview me again, Mr. Broderick.

581
00:36:01,811 --> 00:36:04,530
And just when I've discovered
how to help you.

582
00:36:04,691 --> 00:36:06,727
I'd like to call you Frank,
if you don't mind.

583
00:36:06,891 --> 00:36:08,688
- Not at all.
- So we can be more intimate.

584
00:36:09,211 --> 00:36:12,089
- Much more intimate, yes.
- And I want you to call me Helen.

585
00:36:12,851 --> 00:36:15,524
- Helen.
- Now, Mr. Broderick...

586
00:36:15,691 --> 00:36:18,080
- Uh, Frank.
- Yes.

587
00:36:18,251 --> 00:36:21,482
The cause of your problem
is your wife's problem.

588
00:36:21,651 --> 00:36:24,688
And the way to treat you is to treat her.

589
00:36:24,851 --> 00:36:29,447
- Doesn't that make sense?
- It makes a great deal of sense, Helen.

590
00:36:29,611 --> 00:36:31,090
A great deal of sense.

591
00:36:31,251 --> 00:36:35,290
But suppose
Sylvia doesn't want to cooperate?

592
00:36:36,331 --> 00:36:38,891
Then we'll have to treat her
without telling her, you see.

593
00:36:39,051 --> 00:36:40,040
Oh, yeah.

594
00:36:40,211 --> 00:36:44,921
Now, Sylvia was very active
before you were married, wasn't she?

595
00:36:45,291 --> 00:36:46,804
I'll say. Boy, oh, boy, you...

596
00:36:46,971 --> 00:36:49,439
HELEN:
Oh, no, no, no. I meant, um...

597
00:36:50,731 --> 00:36:52,961
What does she do all day long now?

598
00:36:53,371 --> 00:36:56,329
Oh, I see. Well, she paints.

599
00:36:56,491 --> 00:36:58,209
- Paints.
- Her toenails.

600
00:36:59,611 --> 00:37:03,399
That's all she does. She stays home
all day long and paints her toenails.

601
00:37:03,571 --> 00:37:04,970
I think that's the trouble.

602
00:37:05,131 --> 00:37:07,247
Exactly, this is exactly the trouble.

603
00:37:07,411 --> 00:37:09,003
- That is the trouble, isn't it?
- Yes.

604
00:37:09,171 --> 00:37:13,084
Now, suppose that you ask her
to go work for you back at your office...

605
00:37:13,251 --> 00:37:14,809
...where she will feel very needed.

606
00:37:14,971 --> 00:37:18,680
And she will also see
how hard you are working for her.

607
00:37:18,851 --> 00:37:20,921
That's a great idea, doctor.

608
00:37:21,091 --> 00:37:24,367
But that's it, that's a fantastic idea.
I'm gonna tell her tonight.

609
00:37:24,531 --> 00:37:27,648
- Thank you.
- Oh, doctor, it's a brilliant idea.

610
00:37:27,811 --> 00:37:30,723
And I'll be able to cut the payroll
so I can fight the competition.

611
00:37:30,891 --> 00:37:32,324
Oh, doctor, thank you.

612
00:37:32,491 --> 00:37:35,210
- Think it's a good idea too.
- It's a fabulous idea, thank you.

613
00:37:35,371 --> 00:37:37,487
- Now let me know what she says.
- Yes, I will.

614
00:37:37,651 --> 00:37:41,280
In fact, you can call me at home
if you want to.

615
00:37:42,531 --> 00:37:43,850
I will.

616
00:37:44,571 --> 00:37:46,482
Oh, uh...

617
00:37:47,571 --> 00:37:49,289
- Sorry.
- Uh-huh.

618
00:37:56,291 --> 00:37:59,169
- Helen.
- Frank.

619
00:38:15,971 --> 00:38:17,882
[WHISTLING]

620
00:38:19,411 --> 00:38:21,606
GEORGE:
Bob, my boy.

621
00:38:22,211 --> 00:38:27,604
There's an ugly rumor going around
that you're getting soft.

622
00:38:27,771 --> 00:38:28,999
Me? Getting soft?

623
00:38:29,171 --> 00:38:32,208
Oh, that's a disgusting lie.

624
00:38:32,371 --> 00:38:34,566
The magazine
seems to be getting better.

625
00:38:34,731 --> 00:38:37,768
There's been nothing terrible
in the last two issues.

626
00:38:37,931 --> 00:38:39,762
Well, that's not true, George.

627
00:38:39,931 --> 00:38:42,570
The last two issues have been as lousy
as they've ever been.

628
00:38:42,731 --> 00:38:45,165
It's just that the competition
seems to be catching up.

629
00:38:45,331 --> 00:38:46,730
- That's what I mean.
- Oh.

630
00:38:46,891 --> 00:38:49,689
We've got to keep getting worse
in order to stay ahead.

631
00:38:49,851 --> 00:38:53,639
How are you doing
with the new Dr. Brown story?

632
00:38:53,811 --> 00:38:54,960
Oh, fine, fine.

633
00:38:55,131 --> 00:38:58,726
I've already had two sessions with her
as a patient.

634
00:38:58,891 --> 00:39:00,370
GEORGE: Uh-huh.
BOB: Mm-hm.

635
00:39:00,531 --> 00:39:06,242
GEORGE: Well, you know, the chief
wants that story for next month.

636
00:39:06,891 --> 00:39:08,529
Well...

637
00:39:10,211 --> 00:39:12,805
I'm going to need more time than that.

638
00:39:12,971 --> 00:39:14,450
For what?

639
00:39:15,211 --> 00:39:16,690
Make your grab for her.

640
00:39:16,851 --> 00:39:18,887
Let her tell you
she's not that kind of a girl.

641
00:39:19,051 --> 00:39:21,406
We can run that story now
and let her sue to prove...

642
00:39:21,571 --> 00:39:23,402
...that she is that kind of a girl.

643
00:39:24,171 --> 00:39:27,527
I'm after more, George, much more.

644
00:39:28,851 --> 00:39:33,481
On this one, I want a Pulitzer Prize.

645
00:39:38,491 --> 00:39:40,402
[CHATTERING]

646
00:39:41,131 --> 00:39:42,723
What have you got on Dr. Brown now?

647
00:39:42,891 --> 00:39:46,486
I had a very good session with her
this morning, George, very good.

648
00:39:46,651 --> 00:39:51,167
She thinks
that she's my father, you see.

649
00:39:51,331 --> 00:39:52,810
And she wants to help my wife.

650
00:39:52,971 --> 00:39:54,199
- I tell you...
- She what?

651
00:39:54,371 --> 00:39:55,599
<i>It's...</i>

652
00:39:55,771 --> 00:39:56,965
What?

653
00:39:57,131 --> 00:39:59,201
- Bob.
- Yeah?

654
00:39:59,731 --> 00:40:01,369
You're not even married, are you?

655
00:40:01,531 --> 00:40:03,647
No, why?
What's that got to do with it?

656
00:40:03,811 --> 00:40:06,120
- Why, this dame's crazy.
- What are you talking about?

657
00:40:06,291 --> 00:40:09,044
She thinks she's your father?

658
00:40:09,411 --> 00:40:11,641
Oh, yeah.
I guess that does sound a little strange.

659
00:40:11,811 --> 00:40:14,041
I mean, the fact
that she thinks she's my father.

660
00:40:14,211 --> 00:40:16,281
But I tell you.
Coming from Helen, it seems...

661
00:40:16,451 --> 00:40:17,804
- Helen?
- Yeah.

662
00:40:17,971 --> 00:40:20,360
We're on a first-name basis now.

663
00:40:20,531 --> 00:40:24,160
You know, she said some very
profound things this morning, George.

664
00:40:24,331 --> 00:40:28,290
- Very profound.
- Bob, you are getting soft.

665
00:40:28,571 --> 00:40:29,845
Shh.

666
00:40:31,531 --> 00:40:32,725
Bob.

667
00:40:32,891 --> 00:40:37,442
You wouldn't let the truth stand
in the way of a good story, would you?

668
00:40:37,611 --> 00:40:42,844
George, you don't have to tell me
anything about ethics.

669
00:40:43,011 --> 00:40:44,808
I'll get it.

670
00:40:57,291 --> 00:40:59,725
Incidentally, I've got good
news for you from Dr. Brown.

671
00:40:59,891 --> 00:41:00,880
FRANK: Oh, really?
- Mm-hm.

672
00:41:01,051 --> 00:41:03,326
She said Sylvia should go back to work.

673
00:41:03,491 --> 00:41:04,640
What's so good about that?

674
00:41:04,811 --> 00:41:09,282
Well, that way she'll keep busy
and it will make her feel needed.

675
00:41:09,451 --> 00:41:11,248
I'm not so sure about that.

676
00:41:11,411 --> 00:41:17,043
You gotta remember, that way
she'll be with you all day <i>long...</i>

677
00:41:17,211 --> 00:41:20,965
<i>...and</i> she'll be able to see for herself
that you're not fooling <i>around...</i>

678
00:41:21,131 --> 00:41:22,280
...with any other...

679
00:41:24,211 --> 00:41:25,929
...chicks.

680
00:41:30,651 --> 00:41:33,688
Maybe. Maybe.

681
00:41:34,451 --> 00:41:36,646
Suppose she starts talking to me
at the office...

682
00:41:36,811 --> 00:41:39,200
...the way she sometimes
talks to me at home?

683
00:41:40,011 --> 00:41:41,922
I'd lose the respect
of the entire industry.

684
00:41:42,091 --> 00:41:44,685
No, she wouldn't do that.

685
00:42:23,691 --> 00:42:28,242
BOB: So you see, Frank,
the whole point is to make Sylvia happy.

686
00:42:28,411 --> 00:42:30,686
Then you'll be happy.

687
00:42:31,691 --> 00:42:34,922
Then Gretchen and I can be happy.

688
00:42:36,331 --> 00:42:37,923
Hey, how's that for distance?

689
00:42:38,091 --> 00:42:40,685
You know, Bob, it's a good idea.

690
00:42:40,851 --> 00:42:43,809
Besides, it'd help me cut the payroll.

691
00:42:46,131 --> 00:42:47,450
How's that for distance?

692
00:43:05,651 --> 00:43:06,925
[GLASS CRASHES]

693
00:43:08,691 --> 00:43:10,841
S YLVIA:
Work? Keep busy?

694
00:43:11,011 --> 00:43:12,808
Honey,
can't you find another apartment?

695
00:43:12,971 --> 00:43:14,245
S YLVIA:
What do you think I do?

696
00:43:14,411 --> 00:43:17,289
- Sit around and paint my toenails?
FRANK: Sylvia, keep your voice down.

697
00:43:17,451 --> 00:43:19,362
S YLVIA:
You're not ordering me around, buster.

698
00:43:19,531 --> 00:43:22,807
Of all the stupid,
idiotic, mortifying, moronic.

699
00:43:22,971 --> 00:43:24,609
- Are you out of your head?
- Okay.

700
00:43:24,771 --> 00:43:27,331
You think I married you
so I could keep on working for you?

701
00:43:27,491 --> 00:43:28,480
Okay, okay.

702
00:43:28,651 --> 00:43:31,723
Are you asking me to go back
to the lousy life I had 10 years ago...

703
00:43:31,891 --> 00:43:33,404
...before I began this lousy life?

704
00:43:33,571 --> 00:43:34,560
Okay, okay, okay.

705
00:43:34,731 --> 00:43:36,926
Lower your voice
when you talk to me, I'm a lady.

706
00:43:37,091 --> 00:43:39,241
I thought you'd want
to pitch right in with me...

707
00:43:39,411 --> 00:43:41,049
...hammer and tong, tooth and nail.

708
00:43:41,211 --> 00:43:43,247
- I thought you'd want to feel needed.
- Needed?

709
00:43:43,411 --> 00:43:45,527
Needed? Buster, you need me.

710
00:43:45,691 --> 00:43:46,919
Couldn't live without <i>me...</i>

711
00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:49,400
...because I'll take every penny you own
when I go.

712
00:43:49,571 --> 00:43:53,883
And I will go if you ever come up
with another cheap idea like that.

713
00:43:57,611 --> 00:44:01,524
That won't be necessary, Sylvia.
I'm going.

714
00:44:04,211 --> 00:44:06,088
S YLVIA:
So go.

715
00:44:06,251 --> 00:44:08,128
And this time, I'm really going far.

716
00:44:08,291 --> 00:44:10,851
- Go far.
- And taking all my samples with me.

717
00:44:11,011 --> 00:44:13,366
I thought you'd want to get in,
fight the competition.

718
00:44:13,531 --> 00:44:15,567
Thought you'd wanna see
how they strangle me...

719
00:44:15,731 --> 00:44:17,130
...with cheap imported fabrics.

720
00:44:17,291 --> 00:44:20,203
One day, you're going to realize
what a good, kind, loyal...

721
00:44:20,371 --> 00:44:22,521
Shut up and get out.

722
00:44:29,291 --> 00:44:32,089
That's some great idea of yours.
Did you hear her?

723
00:44:32,251 --> 00:44:34,890
- Did you hear how ungrateful she was?
- Ungrateful?

724
00:44:35,051 --> 00:44:36,723
Me? Ungrateful?

725
00:44:36,891 --> 00:44:38,085
Yes, you.

726
00:44:38,251 --> 00:44:39,366
Don't kid me, buster.

727
00:44:39,531 --> 00:44:42,409
All you want to do is cut your payroll.

728
00:44:45,531 --> 00:44:47,965
- Bob.
BOB: Frank.

729
00:44:48,131 --> 00:44:50,008
I'm miserable.

730
00:44:51,171 --> 00:44:54,880
This time,
I know it's really over for good.

731
00:44:55,851 --> 00:44:57,489
Hello, Gretchen.

732
00:44:58,171 --> 00:45:00,048
One day,
she's gonna wake up and <i>realize...</i>

733
00:45:00,211 --> 00:45:04,966
<i>...what</i> a good, loyal man I've been
all these years.

734
00:45:05,691 --> 00:45:09,001
Holy mackerel, I could kill myself
and be better off than I am now.

735
00:45:16,411 --> 00:45:18,322
- That's a great idea.
FRANK: What?

736
00:45:18,491 --> 00:45:20,129
- To kill yourself.
- Who, me?

737
00:45:20,291 --> 00:45:21,804
BOB: Yeah.
- Why?

738
00:45:21,971 --> 00:45:24,360
I've got a marvelous job
and a lovely wife.

739
00:45:24,531 --> 00:45:27,603
You're right so I'm gonna do it for you.
Gretchen, Gretchen, come on.

740
00:45:27,771 --> 00:45:29,807
- I'm gonna drop you home.
GRETCHEN: Where are you going?

741
00:45:29,971 --> 00:45:31,563
- To kill myself.
GRETCHEN: Oh.

742
00:45:35,091 --> 00:45:37,002
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONOGRAPH]

743
00:46:01,611 --> 00:46:03,681
Rudy, what are you doing?

744
00:46:03,851 --> 00:46:05,682
We call it play therapy.

745
00:46:05,851 --> 00:46:08,649
According to your book,
it's supposed to make you feel good too.

746
00:46:08,811 --> 00:46:12,281
Rudy, that book is a research study,
not an autobiography.

747
00:46:12,451 --> 00:46:13,566
RUD Y: Which is exactly why...

748
00:46:13,731 --> 00:46:15,961
<i>...you</i> aren't solving your own problems
as a single girl.

749
00:46:16,131 --> 00:46:17,280
I've solved all my problems.

750
00:46:17,451 --> 00:46:20,443
I've got this new apartment,
enough money for furs and diamonds...

751
00:46:20,611 --> 00:46:22,408
...and everything else
I've always wanted.

752
00:46:22,571 --> 00:46:25,608
I get fan mail, Rudy,
packs of fan mail every week.

753
00:46:25,771 --> 00:46:27,363
And I'm not ashamed of any of it.

754
00:46:27,531 --> 00:46:29,010
But you aren't married.

755
00:46:29,171 --> 00:46:31,048
Married? I don't wanna be married.

756
00:46:31,211 --> 00:46:33,327
I've got work I care about much more.

757
00:46:33,491 --> 00:46:35,447
That's why I became a psychologist.

758
00:46:35,611 --> 00:46:37,329
Why did you become a psychiatrist?

759
00:46:37,491 --> 00:46:39,163
Because I like to hear dirty stories.

760
00:46:39,331 --> 00:46:41,481
And I'm hearing plenty
from that patient of mine.

761
00:46:41,651 --> 00:46:43,642
Helen, he's driving me wild.

762
00:46:43,811 --> 00:46:46,928
I don't know whether it's him
or that magazine article about you, but...

763
00:46:47,091 --> 00:46:49,605
Rudy, stop. It's that magazine article.

764
00:46:49,771 --> 00:46:52,331
Before it was published,
you never thought of me as a girl.

765
00:46:52,491 --> 00:46:54,527
That's right, I didn't.
Merely as a colleague.

766
00:46:54,691 --> 00:46:57,922
- And now, all you wanna do is bite me.
- That's right, I do.

767
00:46:58,091 --> 00:46:59,365
Helen, I must know.

768
00:46:59,531 --> 00:47:02,728
Since that magazine raised the question
of whether you were or weren't...

769
00:47:02,891 --> 00:47:04,006
Why must you know?

770
00:47:04,171 --> 00:47:06,366
Why? All of us want to know.

771
00:47:06,531 --> 00:47:08,522
Offenbach's taking bets.

772
00:47:08,691 --> 00:47:12,320
Helen, if you aren't, this elegant
and very expensive evening...

773
00:47:12,491 --> 00:47:16,086
<i>...I've</i> arranged for you
will all be such a waste of time.

774
00:47:16,251 --> 00:47:17,889
But if you are...

775
00:47:18,051 --> 00:47:20,440
- You'd marry me?
- Maybe.

776
00:47:20,611 --> 00:47:23,489
But only if I were sure.

777
00:47:24,011 --> 00:47:25,126
[HELEN GROANS]

778
00:47:25,291 --> 00:47:27,009
Rudy, stop it.

779
00:47:27,171 --> 00:47:29,480
Oh, you're such a prude.

780
00:47:29,651 --> 00:47:31,642
I'm simply appalled
at the double standard...

781
00:47:31,811 --> 00:47:34,564
...you men keep trying
to impose on us women.

782
00:47:34,731 --> 00:47:38,406
Well, I, for one,
am simply not going to submit...

783
00:47:38,571 --> 00:47:40,323
Are you parting your hair differently?

784
00:47:41,011 --> 00:47:42,842
No, this.

785
00:47:43,331 --> 00:47:44,446
The beard.

786
00:47:44,611 --> 00:47:46,442
Well, anyway, when I do get married...

787
00:47:46,611 --> 00:47:49,250
<i>...it's</i> not gonna be for love,
or sex or romance.

788
00:47:49,731 --> 00:47:53,770
I can get all of those things outside
of marriage just as easily as you can.

789
00:47:53,931 --> 00:47:57,526
Me? I'm having a terrible time.

790
00:47:58,891 --> 00:48:00,802
[PHONE RINGING]

791
00:48:01,691 --> 00:48:05,400
And I shall insist on the right
to have as many love affairs as I please.

792
00:48:05,571 --> 00:48:08,085
I'm certainly not going
to sacrifice one iota...

793
00:48:08,251 --> 00:48:10,287
...of my freedom or dignity for any man.

794
00:48:10,451 --> 00:48:11,486
Hello?

795
00:48:11,651 --> 00:48:14,404
Dr. Brown, this is Frank Broderick,
and I'm gonna kill myself.

796
00:48:14,811 --> 00:48:17,450
What? You... What? Mr. Broderick, no.

797
00:48:17,611 --> 00:48:19,886
- Why would you wanna kill yourself?
BOB: <i>Because of you.</i>

798
00:48:20,051 --> 00:48:22,645
<i>If I can 't have you, Dr. Brown,</i>
<i>life isn 't worth living.</i>

799
00:48:22,811 --> 00:48:25,962
Oh, no, Mr. Broderick, not me.
It's Sylvia that you need.

800
00:48:26,291 --> 00:48:28,805
It's you. I've got Sylvia.
Life still isn't worth living.

801
00:48:28,971 --> 00:48:30,006
Where are you?

802
00:48:30,171 --> 00:48:32,321
I'm down at the pier.
I'm gonna jump in and drown.

803
00:48:32,491 --> 00:48:35,688
No, Mr. Broderick, please!
Not until I get there, wait.

804
00:48:35,851 --> 00:48:38,524
All right, Dr. Brown.
I'll try to hold on until you get here.

805
00:48:38,691 --> 00:48:40,044
But hurry.

806
00:48:40,611 --> 00:48:42,488
Good night, Rudy.

807
00:48:51,371 --> 00:48:53,282
[WHISTLING]

808
00:49:07,531 --> 00:49:08,680
Give me a cigarette.

809
00:49:09,411 --> 00:49:12,050
- Beat it.
- Be nice to me, I'm a bum.

810
00:49:14,011 --> 00:49:16,161
Thinking of jumping?

811
00:49:23,691 --> 00:49:25,682
What size shoe do you wear?

812
00:49:25,851 --> 00:49:27,204
Nine and a half C.

813
00:49:27,371 --> 00:49:30,443
My size.
Would you mind jumping barefoot?

814
00:49:30,611 --> 00:49:31,885
Ugh.

815
00:49:33,731 --> 00:49:34,720
Wait a minute.

816
00:49:34,891 --> 00:49:36,370
Come here, take off your coat.

817
00:49:36,531 --> 00:49:39,443
Take off your coat.
Let me have it, come on.

818
00:49:40,931 --> 00:49:43,684
Whew. Here, put this on.

819
00:49:44,171 --> 00:49:48,528
Now, if by chance, I wind up in the
water, will you throw me one of those?

820
00:49:48,691 --> 00:49:50,329
MAN: Yeah.
BOB: You can keep the coat.

821
00:49:50,491 --> 00:49:52,163
MAN: Yeah.
- You mind staying out of sight?

822
00:49:52,331 --> 00:49:55,084
- Yeah.
- Thanks a lot, looks terrific on you.

823
00:50:10,051 --> 00:50:11,200
Wait, I may need help.

824
00:50:11,371 --> 00:50:13,407
Mr. Broderick, Mr. Broderick.

825
00:50:13,571 --> 00:50:14,720
BOB:
Dr. Brown.

826
00:50:14,891 --> 00:50:16,609
Helen, I'm here.

827
00:50:16,771 --> 00:50:17,760
Mr. Broderick!

828
00:50:17,931 --> 00:50:19,728
- Stop, don't jump.
- I've got to.

829
00:50:19,891 --> 00:50:21,802
- I've got to. No.
HELEN: No, don't jump.

830
00:50:21,971 --> 00:50:24,246
No. Mr. Broderick. Oh! Oh!

831
00:50:24,411 --> 00:50:25,446
I'm so glad I got here.

832
00:50:25,611 --> 00:50:26,760
- So am I.
- I was terrified.

833
00:50:26,931 --> 00:50:30,241
When you called, I didn't know what
to do. I thought I'd go out of my mind.

834
00:50:30,411 --> 00:50:32,925
All those red lights.
Everywhere, there was a red light.

835
00:50:33,091 --> 00:50:35,559
You know that on the corner
of Adams Avenue and 18th Avenue...

836
00:50:35,731 --> 00:50:37,847
...they have a signal
that lasts over three minutes?

837
00:50:38,011 --> 00:50:40,002
- New building...
- I'm glad you're all right.

838
00:50:40,171 --> 00:50:42,446
- I was so afraid, I wouldn't get here.
- But you did.

839
00:50:42,611 --> 00:50:45,887
If anything happened to you,
I would blame myself.

840
00:50:46,051 --> 00:50:47,882
- You don't have to.
- I would blame myself.

841
00:50:48,051 --> 00:50:49,245
- It would be my fault.
- No.

842
00:50:49,411 --> 00:50:52,130
I'd kill myself, I'd kill myself.
I'd plunge right...

843
00:50:52,291 --> 00:50:54,885
- Let me go. Please, let me go.
- No, Helen.

844
00:50:55,051 --> 00:50:56,279
- Please.
- Everything is fine.

845
00:50:56,451 --> 00:50:57,964
- It is?
- Everything is just fine.

846
00:50:58,131 --> 00:51:00,167
Now, just calm down. Yeah, yeah.

847
00:51:00,331 --> 00:51:01,764
- Are you all right?
- Oh, I'm fine.

848
00:51:01,931 --> 00:51:03,683
- You're not gonna jump?
- No, not at all.

849
00:51:03,851 --> 00:51:05,125
- I'm so glad.
- No, no.

850
00:51:05,291 --> 00:51:07,680
I'm so glad. Oh, Mr. Broderick.

851
00:51:07,851 --> 00:51:09,250
Please, we mustn't.

852
00:51:09,411 --> 00:51:12,960
- Mr. Broderick, no please, don't. Oh!
- Ahh!

853
00:51:13,611 --> 00:51:14,885
HELEN:
Whoa!

854
00:51:19,011 --> 00:51:21,923
- Can you swim?
- A little.

855
00:51:24,331 --> 00:51:27,209
Help! Help!

856
00:51:27,371 --> 00:51:29,931
Help me help him!

857
00:52:06,091 --> 00:52:08,286
DRIVER: Hang on, sir.
HELEN: Okay.

858
00:52:08,451 --> 00:52:10,362
[GRUNTING]

859
00:52:11,971 --> 00:52:15,008
DRIVER:
Okay, miss. We have you.

860
00:52:29,731 --> 00:52:31,449
Hey, mister.

861
00:52:33,131 --> 00:52:34,723
Wait a minute.

862
00:52:34,891 --> 00:52:37,359
What about the shoes?
I'm only a poor bum.

863
00:52:51,131 --> 00:52:52,484
MAN:
There.

864
00:52:52,651 --> 00:52:53,970
DRIVER:
Where to, lady?

865
00:52:54,131 --> 00:52:57,441
Oh, uh, Mr. Broderick,
what's your address?

866
00:53:01,171 --> 00:53:05,449
Well, we'll just have to go to my place.
I'll give you the directions.

867
00:53:22,091 --> 00:53:25,561
I, uh, hope that robe is all right.

868
00:53:25,731 --> 00:53:27,722
It belongs to my mother.

869
00:53:27,891 --> 00:53:29,563
It's fine.

870
00:53:30,811 --> 00:53:33,769
I'm sure these things will dry
in just a minute.

871
00:53:34,851 --> 00:53:38,048
Does your, uh, mother
live here with you?

872
00:53:38,211 --> 00:53:40,725
Oh, no.
Mother is in Evanston, Illinois.

873
00:53:40,891 --> 00:53:44,804
Evanston, Illinois, my goodness.

874
00:53:46,331 --> 00:53:48,322
- Here you are.
- Oh, no, thank you.

875
00:53:48,491 --> 00:53:49,719
I, uh, don't drink.

876
00:53:49,891 --> 00:53:51,688
Dry martini. It will help dry you out.

877
00:53:51,851 --> 00:53:54,649
- No, I have a metabolism thing, and l...
- Oh, metabolism.

878
00:53:54,811 --> 00:53:56,210
I get drunk very easily.

879
00:53:56,371 --> 00:53:58,805
I see. I was reading a medical journal
the other day...

880
00:53:58,971 --> 00:54:02,566
...where it said that if you take a drink
and take it down in one gulp...

881
00:54:02,731 --> 00:54:04,210
...it bypasses the metabolism.

882
00:54:04,371 --> 00:54:06,441
- Really?
- Yes, here, I'll show you what I mean.

883
00:54:06,611 --> 00:54:08,567
- That's strange.
- Yeah.

884
00:54:12,971 --> 00:54:14,962
You see what I mean? No effect at all.

885
00:54:15,131 --> 00:54:17,725
- You mean, you just...
- Just drink it down fast.

886
00:54:17,891 --> 00:54:20,325
- This is medically proven.
- Medically proven, yes.

887
00:54:20,491 --> 00:54:24,166
- By six out of five doctors, I'm sure.
- Well, if that's the <i>case...</i>

888
00:54:24,331 --> 00:54:26,049
Bottoms up.

889
00:54:30,531 --> 00:54:32,487
- I see what you mean.
- See?

890
00:54:32,651 --> 00:54:33,766
- Yes.
- I knew you would.

891
00:54:33,931 --> 00:54:36,206
Here, I'll get the rest.

892
00:54:45,211 --> 00:54:49,284
I hope you don't feel odd or anything
because you're wearing a woman's robe.

893
00:54:49,451 --> 00:54:51,203
Oh, no, not at all.

894
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:54,886
In fact, I was thinking I look just like,
um, Jack Lemmon did in that movie...

895
00:54:55,051 --> 00:54:57,440
...where he dressed up
like a girl, remember?

896
00:54:57,611 --> 00:54:58,885
Oh, yes.

897
00:55:03,411 --> 00:55:06,721
- Oh, is your head all right?
- Uh, it will be all right in a minute, l...

898
00:55:06,891 --> 00:55:10,930
It's the, uh, lights.
They're so bright. Oh.

899
00:55:11,091 --> 00:55:12,524
Oh, well, put the light out.

900
00:55:14,411 --> 00:55:17,448
Come here, sit down. Come on.

901
00:55:20,771 --> 00:55:22,250
Come on.

902
00:55:25,491 --> 00:55:29,689
Now, Mr. Broderick,
I know that we can both be adult...

903
00:55:29,851 --> 00:55:31,364
...and not childish.

904
00:55:31,531 --> 00:55:34,364
I mean, I hope you don't feel
uncomfortable or anything...

905
00:55:34,531 --> 00:55:37,967
...because we're both sitting here
with just these thin robes on...

906
00:55:38,131 --> 00:55:40,281
...and no clothes underneath.

907
00:55:40,451 --> 00:55:42,169
I didn't even notice it.

908
00:55:43,211 --> 00:55:46,681
- It's awfully warm in here, isn't it?
- It's bright, very bright.

909
00:55:46,851 --> 00:55:48,489
- The lights are bright.
- Oh.

910
00:55:48,651 --> 00:55:50,881
I'll turn this light out, then.

911
00:55:51,891 --> 00:55:54,963
The darkness will help us both to relax.

912
00:55:55,131 --> 00:55:57,929
- Is there any more of this?
- Are you kidding?

913
00:55:59,051 --> 00:56:01,690
There you are, Helen.

914
00:56:01,851 --> 00:56:03,728
Thank you.

915
00:56:05,331 --> 00:56:08,129
Helen, remember the sipping,
your metabolism.

916
00:56:08,291 --> 00:56:11,328
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Bottoms up, there you go.

917
00:56:11,491 --> 00:56:14,005
A little more. That's it. Keep going.

918
00:56:14,171 --> 00:56:15,650
- There.
- Mmm.

919
00:56:15,811 --> 00:56:17,722
[CHUCKLING]

920
00:56:19,331 --> 00:56:21,003
- Now, Mr. Broderick...
- Uh-huh.

921
00:56:21,171 --> 00:56:23,526
- Frank. Frank.
- Right.

922
00:56:23,691 --> 00:56:27,570
Wasn't that a naughty thing you did,
trying to kill yourself that way?

923
00:56:27,731 --> 00:56:29,722
Just to attract Sylvia's attention.

924
00:56:29,891 --> 00:56:34,919
I didn't do it to attract Sylvia's attention.
I did it to attract your attention.

925
00:56:35,091 --> 00:56:39,084
But I am Sylvia to you. Don't you see?

926
00:56:39,251 --> 00:56:41,970
And I really must speak to her
and tell her about this.

927
00:56:42,131 --> 00:56:43,359
Well, I wish you wouldn't.

928
00:56:43,531 --> 00:56:45,601
Do you know why, doctor?
She'll holler on me.

929
00:56:45,771 --> 00:56:50,481
Exactly, and when you phoned me,
you knew that I wouldn't holler on you.

930
00:56:50,651 --> 00:56:54,326
But then, then to actually jump in.

931
00:56:54,491 --> 00:56:57,369
Doctor, forgive me, but I didn't jump in.

932
00:56:57,531 --> 00:57:01,490
You remember we were standing in each
other's arms and you pushed me in?

933
00:57:01,851 --> 00:57:04,206
Oh, yes, I remember.

934
00:57:04,371 --> 00:57:07,807
Yes, I pushed you in because you
were forgetting yourself, Mr. Broderick.

935
00:57:07,971 --> 00:57:10,485
Doctor, I'm sorry again,
but you pushed me in...

936
00:57:10,651 --> 00:57:13,802
...because you were forgetting yourself.

937
00:57:13,971 --> 00:57:17,884
Well, perhaps in the excitement,
I may have, um...

938
00:57:18,051 --> 00:57:19,325
[MUMBLES]

939
00:57:19,891 --> 00:57:22,769
You know, when you smile like that,
you do look like Jack Lemmon.

940
00:57:22,931 --> 00:57:26,128
Well, that's a wonderful compliment.
Thank you very much.

941
00:57:26,291 --> 00:57:28,168
Sylvia never says nice things to me.

942
00:57:28,331 --> 00:57:30,083
Maybe that's why
I don't have confidence.

943
00:57:30,251 --> 00:57:33,049
Well, I'm gonna give you the confidence.

944
00:57:33,211 --> 00:57:37,170
Mr. Broderick, I am gonna teach you
how to woo the woman...

945
00:57:37,331 --> 00:57:40,641
...you've been married to for ten years
and make her respond to you.

946
00:57:40,811 --> 00:57:43,405
Let me just turn this light out.

947
00:57:45,131 --> 00:57:49,921
Darkness will always help you succeed
in making love to me.

948
00:57:50,091 --> 00:57:51,444
- I mean, to Sylvia.
BOB: Sylvia.

949
00:57:51,611 --> 00:57:52,646
Sylvia.

950
00:57:52,811 --> 00:57:54,483
[LAUGHING]

951
00:57:54,691 --> 00:57:57,159
Now, you don't even know
Sylvia anymore, do you?

952
00:57:57,331 --> 00:57:58,480
Sylvia who?

953
00:57:58,651 --> 00:58:01,609
When you walk in, you don't know
if she's gonna embrace <i>you...</i>

954
00:58:01,771 --> 00:58:03,568
...or holler on you, right?

955
00:58:04,171 --> 00:58:05,286
I really don't know.

956
00:58:05,731 --> 00:58:09,849
So I'm gonna give you some tips
on how you can control her.

957
00:58:10,011 --> 00:58:11,490
Oh, very good.

958
00:58:11,651 --> 00:58:15,485
Now, one of the many ways
to control the woman...

959
00:58:15,651 --> 00:58:17,846
...is through the power of touch.

960
00:58:18,011 --> 00:58:19,683
Give me your hand.

961
00:58:20,891 --> 00:58:23,564
Holding a woman's or a man's <i>hand...</i>

962
00:58:23,731 --> 00:58:28,361
...in a gentle yet firm and caressing way
says many, many things.

963
00:58:28,531 --> 00:58:29,600
I can hear them now.

964
00:58:29,771 --> 00:58:33,605
Also, there are certain
erogenous areas of the body.

965
00:58:33,771 --> 00:58:36,331
The back and sides
of the neck for example.

966
00:58:36,491 --> 00:58:38,925
Do not get discouraged
if you get no response from me.

967
00:58:39,091 --> 00:58:42,128
- My neck is a dead area.
- Yeah.

968
00:58:42,291 --> 00:58:46,967
However, it's very much alive
in over 90 percent of all women.

969
00:58:47,131 --> 00:58:49,520
I've made a statistical study.

970
00:58:49,691 --> 00:58:52,000
You make many statistical studies,
don't you, doctor?

971
00:58:52,171 --> 00:58:53,843
Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yes, I do.

972
00:58:54,011 --> 00:58:57,606
Oh, yes,
kissing the ear is very helpful too.

973
00:58:57,771 --> 00:59:03,323
Oh, yes, I made up my mind very early
that I was gonna learn all I could...

974
00:59:03,491 --> 00:59:06,164
...about love and marriage
before I made my mistakes.

975
00:59:06,331 --> 00:59:07,810
Now switch over to the other ear.

976
00:59:08,291 --> 00:59:09,690
By this time, in most cases...

977
00:59:09,851 --> 00:59:13,127
...that other ear
will just be begging for attention.

978
00:59:13,291 --> 00:59:17,125
No, sir,
I'm not going to gamble with my life.

979
00:59:17,291 --> 00:59:19,964
- Particularly when it comes to men.
- Mm-hm.

980
00:59:20,131 --> 00:59:23,123
But gambling can be part of the fun.

981
00:59:23,291 --> 00:59:27,523
I mean, don't you ever go
and experiment on your own?

982
00:59:27,691 --> 00:59:32,287
I mean, as a woman,
or aren't you that kind of a girl?

983
00:59:32,451 --> 00:59:33,440
What kind of a girl?

984
00:59:33,611 --> 00:59:35,329
That kind of a girl.

985
00:59:36,251 --> 00:59:38,560
What kind of a girl?

986
00:59:39,971 --> 00:59:42,087
The kind of a girl
that is that kind of a girl.

987
00:59:43,491 --> 00:59:45,209
Mr. Broderick, why is it...

988
00:59:45,371 --> 00:59:49,080
...that every time I begin interviewing
you, you wind up interviewing me?

989
00:59:49,731 --> 00:59:50,925
You're absolutely right.

990
00:59:51,091 --> 00:59:52,410
Now...

991
00:59:52,571 --> 00:59:55,688
About my problem, where were we?

992
00:59:57,131 --> 01:00:02,489
Mr. Broderick, bear in mind that
it's not me you're touching but Sylvia.

993
01:00:02,651 --> 01:00:05,006
Now, get close to me
and begin caressing me.

994
01:00:05,171 --> 01:00:07,639
And if I don't <i>respond...</i>

995
01:00:08,731 --> 01:00:14,363
If I don't respond,
it's because I have this dead <i>area...</i>

996
01:00:14,531 --> 01:00:16,601
...and I never feel...

997
01:00:17,051 --> 01:00:19,690
Oh, it's awfully warm in here,
isn't it, Mr. Broderick?

998
01:00:19,851 --> 01:00:21,364
No, it's very bright.

999
01:00:21,531 --> 01:00:24,568
- Bright? All the lights are out.
- Mm-hm. Hmm.

1000
01:00:24,731 --> 01:00:25,925
Oh.

1001
01:00:26,091 --> 01:00:29,606
Yes, that's very good, Mr. Broderick.

1002
01:00:29,771 --> 01:00:33,684
You're doing fine, just doing fine.

1003
01:00:41,611 --> 01:00:43,203
You're very beautiful, Helen.

1004
01:00:43,771 --> 01:00:45,523
No, not me.

1005
01:00:45,691 --> 01:00:46,885
It's Sylvia.

1006
01:00:47,611 --> 01:00:49,602
No, you're very beautiful.

1007
01:00:50,531 --> 01:00:52,806
No, I...

1008
01:00:52,971 --> 01:00:53,960
Am I?

1009
01:00:54,131 --> 01:00:56,087
Really beautiful.

1010
01:00:57,611 --> 01:00:59,169
Am I really beautiful?

1011
01:00:59,331 --> 01:01:00,810
Beautiful.

1012
01:01:01,451 --> 01:01:07,686
And you really think that some day,
that maybe some man...?

1013
01:01:07,971 --> 01:01:12,965
I mean, a man like you
really will fall in love with me?

1014
01:01:30,211 --> 01:01:31,530
I am in love with you.

1015
01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:36,443
Go away.

1016
01:01:37,571 --> 01:01:40,768
- Helen, l...
- Go away.

1017
01:01:40,931 --> 01:01:42,887
I meant it, Helen. I love you.

1018
01:01:43,051 --> 01:01:46,566
Well, I mean it too.
That's why I want you to leave.

1019
01:01:46,731 --> 01:01:50,565
Mr. Broderick,
I want you to leave this apartment.

1020
01:01:50,731 --> 01:01:54,280
And I don't ever want you
to come back here again.

1021
01:02:18,931 --> 01:02:20,728
- Hello, operator?
WOMAN: <i>Yes?</i>

1022
01:02:20,891 --> 01:02:25,123
May I please have the area code
for direct dialing to Evanston, Illinois?

1023
01:02:36,371 --> 01:02:38,089
Hello, Mother?

1024
01:02:38,531 --> 01:02:40,169
It's Helen.

1025
01:02:41,291 --> 01:02:43,088
I'm in trouble.

1026
01:02:43,251 --> 01:02:47,324
Oh, no, it isn't that. It's worse.

1027
01:02:47,771 --> 01:02:49,841
I'm in love with a married man.

1028
01:02:50,011 --> 01:02:51,000
[CRYING]

1029
01:03:00,971 --> 01:03:04,566
Excuse me, but would you call me a cab?

1030
01:03:04,731 --> 01:03:06,881
- Sure thing, Mr. Lemmon.
- What?

1031
01:03:11,451 --> 01:03:13,362
[DOORBELL RINGING]

1032
01:03:17,291 --> 01:03:18,690
Oh, Mrs. Broderick?

1033
01:03:19,571 --> 01:03:20,686
Yeah, what is it?

1034
01:03:21,291 --> 01:03:25,887
Ahem. I'm Dr. Brown, and I've come to
discuss your marriage and your sex life.

1035
01:03:26,051 --> 01:03:29,327
- What?
- Frank has been coming to see me.

1036
01:03:29,491 --> 01:03:30,844
Are you one of them?

1037
01:03:31,011 --> 01:03:33,445
I am a psychologist, Mrs. Broderick...

1038
01:03:33,611 --> 01:03:36,887
...and your husband has been
talking to me about your marriage.

1039
01:03:37,851 --> 01:03:40,649
Come on in, kid.
We'll have some coffee, huh?

1040
01:03:41,011 --> 01:03:44,560
I'm afraid there's been some mistake, kid.
There are no problems in my marriage.

1041
01:03:44,731 --> 01:03:47,689
HELEN: But you do quarrel, don't you?
S YLVIA: Never.

1042
01:03:47,851 --> 01:03:50,809
HELEN: Mrs. Broderick,
why would Frank tell me these things?

1043
01:03:50,971 --> 01:03:53,405
I intend to find that out
the minute he comes in.

1044
01:03:53,571 --> 01:03:55,482
Mrs. Broderick...

1045
01:03:57,571 --> 01:03:59,129
...do you really love your husband?

1046
01:03:59,291 --> 01:04:00,963
Oh, I do.

1047
01:04:01,131 --> 01:04:05,204
Then you must do something quickly
to restore his self-confidence.

1048
01:04:05,371 --> 01:04:07,726
He's asked you to return
to work for him, hasn't he?

1049
01:04:07,891 --> 01:04:10,359
Oh, yes,
and I told him I would give the matter...

1050
01:04:10,531 --> 01:04:12,647
...my most serious consideration.

1051
01:04:12,811 --> 01:04:14,039
Then do it, please.

1052
01:04:14,211 --> 01:04:16,850
It would mean so much to him
to have you there beside him...

1053
01:04:17,011 --> 01:04:19,809
<i>...when</i> he's fighting off people
like Sam Butterworth.

1054
01:04:19,971 --> 01:04:22,485
You mean,
it's not just to cut the payroll?

1055
01:04:22,651 --> 01:04:23,766
Oh, no.

1056
01:04:23,931 --> 01:04:25,922
He wants you with him
because he loves you...

1057
01:04:26,091 --> 01:04:27,604
...and wants to save his marriage.

1058
01:04:27,771 --> 01:04:29,841
Believe me, I know.

1059
01:04:30,291 --> 01:04:34,409
Well, in that case,
I'll go down to the office today.

1060
01:04:34,571 --> 01:04:38,280
Oh, thank you, Mrs. Broderick.
Thank you.

1061
01:04:39,531 --> 01:04:42,250
Well, I must be running off.

1062
01:04:42,411 --> 01:04:44,720
I do have my patients.

1063
01:04:47,651 --> 01:04:51,690
Hey, tell me, kid,
why are you doing all this?

1064
01:04:51,851 --> 01:04:52,920
Why?

1065
01:04:53,091 --> 01:04:56,970
Because I wanna help Frank,
and I wanna help you.

1066
01:04:58,851 --> 01:05:01,684
Because my mother told me to.

1067
01:05:09,251 --> 01:05:10,570
Eunice, where's Mr. Broderick?

1068
01:05:10,731 --> 01:05:12,642
Mr. Broderick's in the back.

1069
01:05:12,811 --> 01:05:15,928
Frank, the factory is idle.
The machines are just lying there.

1070
01:05:16,091 --> 01:05:17,922
Don't we have any orders coming in?

1071
01:05:18,091 --> 01:05:20,446
- Don't you know how much this'll cost...?
MAN: Good news.

1072
01:05:20,611 --> 01:05:23,045
I got an order for 6000 dozen, but
you have to produce them immediately.

1073
01:05:23,211 --> 01:05:24,690
Immediately? That's impossible.

1074
01:05:24,851 --> 01:05:26,682
You expect me
to stop the factory for you?

1075
01:05:26,851 --> 01:05:28,648
You told me the whole factory was idle.

1076
01:05:28,811 --> 01:05:30,085
He don't have to know that.

1077
01:05:30,251 --> 01:05:32,890
Won't you two
please talk to each other?

1078
01:05:33,051 --> 01:05:37,442
They're strangling me
with synthetic fibers from Japan.

1079
01:05:37,731 --> 01:05:39,562
I wanted those legs large.

1080
01:05:39,731 --> 01:05:43,246
Large, so all the visitors would think
we're large, doesn't anybody understand?

1081
01:05:43,411 --> 01:05:45,447
Mr. Broderick, the display is ready.

1082
01:05:45,611 --> 01:05:47,203
Good.

1083
01:05:51,331 --> 01:05:53,401
Good, good, good.

1084
01:05:54,091 --> 01:05:58,164
Frances, move just a little bit to
the right. Amy, step back just a little.

1085
01:05:59,171 --> 01:06:02,720
Jeanette, you've been surfing again.
Look at those knees.

1086
01:06:02,891 --> 01:06:05,041
One day, you're gonna have to decide
between...

1087
01:06:05,211 --> 01:06:06,360
Sylvia.

1088
01:06:06,531 --> 01:06:11,161
- Sylvia, darling, you changed your mind.
- Oh.

1089
01:06:11,331 --> 01:06:12,366
Oh, I'm so happy.

1090
01:06:12,531 --> 01:06:14,044
Girls, look, it's my wife.

1091
01:06:14,211 --> 01:06:16,247
She used to work here
and she married the boss.

1092
01:06:16,411 --> 01:06:19,050
You see, if you're nice to me,
maybe you can marry me.

1093
01:06:19,211 --> 01:06:20,326
I was just kidding.

1094
01:06:20,491 --> 01:06:23,688
I'm gonna take you to the biggest,
most beautiful lunch you ever had.

1095
01:06:23,851 --> 01:06:26,001
Girls, take the rest of the day off
with pay.

1096
01:06:26,171 --> 01:06:28,287
No, make it an hour
and you better be on time.

1097
01:06:28,451 --> 01:06:33,286
I'm gonna get you the most beautiful
lunch. Oh, dreamboat, I'm so happy.

1098
01:06:33,451 --> 01:06:36,011
From now on we're gonna have
the most beautiful marriage...

1099
01:06:36,171 --> 01:06:37,445
...the most beautiful...

1100
01:06:37,611 --> 01:06:39,647
Get the elevator.
I gotta make one phone call.

1101
01:06:39,811 --> 01:06:41,369
I'll be right with you.

1102
01:06:50,300 --> 01:06:52,530
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

1103
01:06:52,700 --> 01:06:55,339
You don't fool me. Mm-hm.

1104
01:06:55,500 --> 01:06:58,139
You're thinking
I'm falling for this Helen Brown dame.

1105
01:06:58,300 --> 01:06:59,972
Right, huh?

1106
01:07:00,140 --> 01:07:02,495
And when the time comes for me
to hand in the story...

1107
01:07:02,660 --> 01:07:05,333
...well, I'm not gonna
go through with it, huh?

1108
01:07:12,780 --> 01:07:14,611
Well, you're wrong, see?

1109
01:07:14,780 --> 01:07:17,658
I'm still the dirtiest louse
in the publishing business.

1110
01:07:17,820 --> 01:07:19,094
[CHATTERING]

1111
01:07:19,260 --> 01:07:23,094
Take a look at this expos�
I'm doing on Santa claus.

1112
01:07:23,260 --> 01:07:27,776
Why, there isn't an editor in the country
who would dare to be that despicable.

1113
01:07:27,940 --> 01:07:29,134
That's highbrow stuff.

1114
01:07:29,300 --> 01:07:31,575
You've got enough material
on Helen Brown now.

1115
01:07:31,740 --> 01:07:33,537
She thinks she's your father,
doesn't she?

1116
01:07:33,700 --> 01:07:35,577
You're letting my whole family down.

1117
01:07:35,740 --> 01:07:39,494
Chief, I'm after something big,
something with real social significance.

1118
01:07:39,660 --> 01:07:41,571
The time to run that story is right now.

1119
01:07:41,740 --> 01:07:43,219
MAN:
All you're doing is wasting time.

1120
01:07:43,380 --> 01:07:45,098
Wasting time?

1121
01:07:45,260 --> 01:07:47,490
I'm gonna tell you something
I didn't want to.

1122
01:07:47,660 --> 01:07:49,218
Do you know where I was last night?

1123
01:07:49,380 --> 01:07:50,733
In her apartment.

1124
01:07:50,900 --> 01:07:52,174
You know what we were doing?

1125
01:07:54,780 --> 01:07:57,692
We were sitting around
with robes with nothing on underneath.

1126
01:07:57,860 --> 01:07:59,771
[WHISTLING AND CHUCKLING]

1127
01:08:01,500 --> 01:08:03,218
What happened?

1128
01:08:03,380 --> 01:08:04,529
Well, she started to cry.

1129
01:08:04,700 --> 01:08:05,769
- That's great.
- Great?

1130
01:08:05,940 --> 01:08:07,259
Marvelous.

1131
01:08:07,420 --> 01:08:11,254
I tell you, Weston, you're right.
This is a story with social significance.

1132
01:08:11,420 --> 01:08:13,297
That's why
I wanna follow through with it.

1133
01:08:13,460 --> 01:08:14,813
I need one week.

1134
01:08:14,980 --> 01:08:16,572
You've got it.

1135
01:08:17,260 --> 01:08:18,375
That's all you've got.

1136
01:08:18,540 --> 01:08:19,893
That's all I need.

1137
01:08:20,060 --> 01:08:21,618
And in one week...

1138
01:08:21,780 --> 01:08:27,412
<i>...I'll</i> prove to you amateurs
that I've earned my reputation.

1139
01:08:27,580 --> 01:08:31,414
And prove
that every single, filthy, dirty lie...

1140
01:08:31,580 --> 01:08:36,574
<i>...that</i> you've ever heard about me
is true.

1141
01:08:37,460 --> 01:08:39,928
- Any messages, Hilda?
HILDA: No, Dr. Brown.

1142
01:08:40,100 --> 01:08:41,135
Oh, good.

1143
01:08:41,300 --> 01:08:45,498
Dr. Brown, would you mind autographing
just a few more copies?

1144
01:08:45,660 --> 01:08:47,252
For my nieces in Wilmington.

1145
01:08:47,420 --> 01:08:49,411
Yes, Hilda, before I leave.

1146
01:08:53,100 --> 01:08:55,250
Rudy, I think I'm falling in love.

1147
01:08:55,420 --> 01:08:57,172
You do?

1148
01:08:57,340 --> 01:09:00,218
Well, I must say there was
a certain inevitability about it...

1149
01:09:00,380 --> 01:09:02,450
...once I set my mind to something.

1150
01:09:02,620 --> 01:09:05,134
Oh, no, Rudy, not with you.

1151
01:09:05,300 --> 01:09:07,131
Although I wish it were.

1152
01:09:07,300 --> 01:09:08,779
It's with a patient.

1153
01:09:08,940 --> 01:09:10,896
Oh, in that case, it isn't serious.

1154
01:09:11,060 --> 01:09:12,175
There's always a <i>phase...</i>

1155
01:09:12,340 --> 01:09:14,854
...in which the therapist
falls in love with the patient.

1156
01:09:15,020 --> 01:09:16,897
No, Rudy, it's the other way around.

1157
01:09:17,180 --> 01:09:22,095
Oh? Whichever way it is, the important
thing is to face the situation squarely...

1158
01:09:22,260 --> 01:09:25,377
...and recognize that this man
you think you're in love <i>with...</i>

1159
01:09:25,540 --> 01:09:28,577
...is no more to you
than a mother substitute.

1160
01:09:28,740 --> 01:09:31,334
- A mother substitute?
- Yes, of course.

1161
01:09:31,500 --> 01:09:32,489
[INTERCOM BUZZES]

1162
01:09:32,660 --> 01:09:34,537
Oh, shut up, Rudy. Yes, Hilda.

1163
01:09:34,980 --> 01:09:37,892
Dr. Brown,
Mr. Broderick is on the phone.

1164
01:09:39,420 --> 01:09:40,694
Oh.

1165
01:09:41,860 --> 01:09:43,737
Hello, Mother... Hello?

1166
01:09:43,900 --> 01:09:46,733
Helen, I must see you.
Have lunch with me.

1167
01:09:47,140 --> 01:09:49,495
Mr. Broderick,
I will not have lunch with you.

1168
01:09:49,660 --> 01:09:50,888
Why? Aren't you hungry?

1169
01:09:51,060 --> 01:09:52,732
- Is that the man?
- Yes.

1170
01:09:52,900 --> 01:09:55,095
Have lunch with him, Helen.
Listen to Rudy.

1171
01:09:55,260 --> 01:09:57,774
This is only a phase.

1172
01:09:58,860 --> 01:09:59,929
You'll what?

1173
01:10:00,100 --> 01:10:01,499
BOB [ON SPEAKERPHONE]:
<i>I'll kill myself.</i>

1174
01:10:01,660 --> 01:10:03,890
<i>I'll come up to your office,</i>
<i>and I'll kill myself.</i>

1175
01:10:04,060 --> 01:10:07,370
There is absolutely nothing you could say
or do that would make me...

1176
01:10:07,540 --> 01:10:09,019
Then meet me in a public place.

1177
01:10:09,180 --> 01:10:11,819
Somewhere where I can't possibly
behave the way I want to.

1178
01:10:11,980 --> 01:10:12,969
Absolutely not.

1179
01:10:13,140 --> 01:10:14,334
How about the zoo?

1180
01:10:14,500 --> 01:10:16,809
- Fine, 15 minutes.
<i>- Right.</i>

1181
01:10:18,900 --> 01:10:20,811
[GIBBERING]

1182
01:10:20,980 --> 01:10:22,572
BOB:
Will you listen to me?

1183
01:10:23,260 --> 01:10:26,013
Last night, something happened
that was very real.

1184
01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:27,738
Something that very few people get.

1185
01:10:27,900 --> 01:10:29,174
I know, drowned.

1186
01:10:29,340 --> 01:10:30,534
You know what I mean.

1187
01:10:30,700 --> 01:10:34,010
You're not talking like a shy
stocking manufacturer now.

1188
01:10:34,180 --> 01:10:36,978
Helen, you mean more to me
than an order from Kresge's.

1189
01:10:37,140 --> 01:10:39,096
This is insane, impossible.

1190
01:10:39,260 --> 01:10:41,330
We must be civilized.

1191
01:10:41,500 --> 01:10:42,774
BOB:
But I am being civilized.

1192
01:10:42,940 --> 01:10:44,976
HELEN: No, you're not,
you're talking like an animal.

1193
01:10:45,140 --> 01:10:47,335
After all, you're a married man.

1194
01:10:47,500 --> 01:10:49,218
Married, huh? I've done a little research.

1195
01:10:49,380 --> 01:10:52,736
And right from your own book.
Usually, and I quote from memory:

1196
01:10:52,900 --> 01:10:55,892
"Married men tend to be generous
and ardent to their girlfriends...

1197
01:10:56,060 --> 01:10:57,413
<i>...and</i> make ideal companions."

1198
01:10:57,580 --> 01:10:58,569
Now, you wrote that.

1199
01:10:58,740 --> 01:11:01,334
HELEN: But that was an observation,
not a recommendation.

1200
01:11:01,500 --> 01:11:05,288
If you had read further, you would see
that I also say that man is not an ape.

1201
01:11:05,460 --> 01:11:08,054
He has an opportunity,
a challenge and a responsibility...

1202
01:11:08,220 --> 01:11:10,939
...to seek permanent marriage,
which you have already done.

1203
01:11:11,100 --> 01:11:12,374
And it is only in this way...

1204
01:11:12,540 --> 01:11:15,737
...that we are morally superior
to the lower animals.

1205
01:11:22,220 --> 01:11:23,733
[GIBBERING]

1206
01:11:29,940 --> 01:11:31,419
Helen.

1207
01:11:32,420 --> 01:11:35,969
Suppose I were to tell you
that, um, Sylvia and I are not married.

1208
01:11:36,140 --> 01:11:37,539
HELEN:
I'd say you were lying.

1209
01:11:37,900 --> 01:11:42,052
Helen, I swear to you
that Sylvia and I are not legally married.

1210
01:11:42,460 --> 01:11:45,657
I swear to you that Sylvia
doesn't love me or want me.

1211
01:11:46,940 --> 01:11:49,135
I swear to you
that if I walked out on Sylvia...

1212
01:11:49,300 --> 01:11:51,530
<i>...she</i> wouldn't care for a second.

1213
01:11:51,700 --> 01:11:55,739
I also swear to you, as sure as my name
is Frank Luther Broderick...

1214
01:11:55,900 --> 01:11:57,891
...that everything
I've told you is the truth.

1215
01:11:58,060 --> 01:11:59,573
HELEN:
I don't believe any of it is true.

1216
01:12:00,860 --> 01:12:02,259
BOB:
But suppose it were?

1217
01:12:02,740 --> 01:12:04,458
If it were true?

1218
01:12:04,620 --> 01:12:06,019
- Suppose it were?
- Oh.

1219
01:12:08,620 --> 01:12:12,056
No, not yet.
I wanna hear this from Sylvia first.

1220
01:12:12,220 --> 01:12:14,256
Sylvia?

1221
01:12:14,420 --> 01:12:16,012
But she doesn't even know.

1222
01:12:16,180 --> 01:12:17,977
HELEN:
Well, then tell her.

1223
01:12:18,140 --> 01:12:19,937
Yes, that's the only way.

1224
01:12:20,100 --> 01:12:22,898
You tell her to come to my office
tomorrow afternoon at 3:00...

1225
01:12:23,060 --> 01:12:24,539
...if you wanna see me again.

1226
01:12:24,700 --> 01:12:26,372
BOB: But I can't.
HELEN: And believe me.

1227
01:12:26,540 --> 01:12:29,612
If you've been lying to me
about this or anything else, Frank...

1228
01:12:29,780 --> 01:12:31,179
...I never wanna see you again.

1229
01:12:31,340 --> 01:12:33,490
No, I haven't been lying. I haven't.

1230
01:12:34,060 --> 01:12:35,049
What am I gonna do?

1231
01:12:35,220 --> 01:12:37,131
[GIBBERING]

1232
01:12:43,100 --> 01:12:45,011
[BAND PLAYING
"WHAT IS THIS THING cALLED LOvE"]

1233
01:12:47,420 --> 01:12:49,331
[SINGING]

1234
01:13:08,700 --> 01:13:10,497
Gretchen. Hi, Colin.

1235
01:13:10,660 --> 01:13:13,094
- What are you doing here?
- You've gotta be Sylvia.

1236
01:13:13,260 --> 01:13:15,057
Sure, honey,
but is it okay if I ask why?

1237
01:13:15,220 --> 01:13:16,335
Everything depends on it.

1238
01:13:16,500 --> 01:13:20,175
Now, look, tomorrow afternoon at 3:00,
you go to Dr. Helen Brown's office.

1239
01:13:20,340 --> 01:13:21,853
I'll give you the details tonight.

1240
01:13:22,020 --> 01:13:24,250
Now, don't make any dates
for tomorrow, okay?

1241
01:13:24,420 --> 01:13:25,409
GRETCHEN:
Anything you say.

1242
01:13:25,580 --> 01:13:26,933
See you later.

1243
01:13:27,100 --> 01:13:29,011
[CONTINUES SINGING]

1244
01:13:38,140 --> 01:13:40,051
[SINGING
"WHAT IS THIS THING cALLED LOvE"]

1245
01:13:47,860 --> 01:13:48,849
Hi, honey.

1246
01:13:49,020 --> 01:13:51,250
Hi, dear.

1247
01:13:51,820 --> 01:13:54,129
You got through early today, didn't you?

1248
01:13:54,300 --> 01:13:57,417
I did get through pretty quick
so I could rush right home to you.

1249
01:13:57,580 --> 01:13:58,854
Aw.

1250
01:13:59,660 --> 01:14:00,809
[PHONE RINGING]

1251
01:14:00,980 --> 01:14:02,891
Oh, are you getting that, sweetheart?

1252
01:14:03,060 --> 01:14:06,939
FRANK: No, you get it, angel puss.
I don't wanna talk to anybody but you.

1253
01:14:12,420 --> 01:14:13,535
Hello?

1254
01:14:13,700 --> 01:14:15,179
Oh, hello, kid.

1255
01:14:15,340 --> 01:14:18,730
Oh, everything's been beautiful
since I went back to work.

1256
01:14:18,900 --> 01:14:20,413
Really? Um...

1257
01:14:20,580 --> 01:14:23,652
Did he, uh, tell you that I wanted you
to come to the office tomorrow?

1258
01:14:23,820 --> 01:14:25,378
No, not yet.

1259
01:14:25,540 --> 01:14:27,531
But Frank and I have never been happier.

1260
01:14:27,700 --> 01:14:31,852
Well, please come anyway, will you?
It's 3:00.

1261
01:14:32,020 --> 01:14:33,658
Sure, if you think it's important.

1262
01:14:34,060 --> 01:14:37,973
Mrs. Broderick,
I think it's very important for all of us.

1263
01:14:38,140 --> 01:14:43,260
And, Mrs. Broderick, please
don't mention to Frank that I called.

1264
01:14:43,580 --> 01:14:46,538
Anything you say, kid.
See you tomorrow.

1265
01:14:47,940 --> 01:14:49,737
- Hi, dear.
- Hi, honey.

1266
01:14:49,900 --> 01:14:51,970
Ah. Thank you, puss. Mmm.

1267
01:14:53,020 --> 01:14:54,772
Delicious.

1268
01:14:57,620 --> 01:14:59,212
BOB:
You know why I'm worried?

1269
01:14:59,380 --> 01:15:01,371
That in just about a half-hour
from now...

1270
01:15:01,540 --> 01:15:04,976
<i>...my</i> wife's gonna have
a heart-to-heart talk with my sweetheart.

1271
01:15:05,620 --> 01:15:06,939
Haven't got a wife.

1272
01:15:07,100 --> 01:15:08,579
I haven't got a sweetheart.

1273
01:15:08,740 --> 01:15:10,014
[PHONE RINGS]

1274
01:15:10,460 --> 01:15:11,859
I'll get it.

1275
01:15:12,020 --> 01:15:13,499
Hello?

1276
01:15:15,860 --> 01:15:18,613
I know I promised.
But this is my big chance.

1277
01:15:18,780 --> 01:15:20,975
It might mean stardom
and lots of money.

1278
01:15:21,140 --> 01:15:23,574
Irving has been trying
to get this interview for months.

1279
01:15:23,740 --> 01:15:26,971
He's been following the producer,
why, he's taken steam baths for me.

1280
01:15:27,140 --> 01:15:29,973
- Why is he taking steam baths for you?
- The producer takes them.

1281
01:15:30,140 --> 01:15:33,371
Oh, I'm sorry, Bob, but
when fame knocks, you should answer.

1282
01:15:34,300 --> 01:15:35,653
That's opportunity.

1283
01:15:35,820 --> 01:15:37,333
Whatever it is, I'm answering.

1284
01:15:37,500 --> 01:15:40,173
And I can't make that appointment
for you and that's final.

1285
01:15:40,340 --> 01:15:42,456
You'll walk over your friends
to get to the top, huh?

1286
01:15:42,620 --> 01:15:44,053
Oh, someday, you'll understand.

1287
01:15:44,220 --> 01:15:47,371
Sometimes it's necessary to be ruthless.

1288
01:15:50,140 --> 01:15:51,414
You can't trust women.

1289
01:15:51,580 --> 01:15:54,936
They lie and they cheat.
They've got no character, no conscience.

1290
01:15:55,100 --> 01:15:57,011
Look at the time. Susan...

1291
01:16:01,380 --> 01:16:02,574
Susan, it's gotta be you.

1292
01:16:03,220 --> 01:16:04,938
- Me?
- Mm-hm.

1293
01:16:05,100 --> 01:16:06,135
I'm gonna get you a cab.

1294
01:16:06,300 --> 01:16:08,097
You're gonna go to Dr. Brown's <i>office...</i>

1295
01:16:08,260 --> 01:16:11,013
<i>...tell</i> her you're Sylvia,
and we've been married for 10 years.

1296
01:16:11,180 --> 01:16:13,933
Ten years? But I'm too young.

1297
01:16:14,100 --> 01:16:16,489
Then look older. And lie, lie, lie.

1298
01:16:16,660 --> 01:16:19,254
Hello, Irving, this is Gretchen.

1299
01:16:19,420 --> 01:16:21,809
I wanna cancel my appointment.

1300
01:16:21,980 --> 01:16:24,016
I know you're a great agent.

1301
01:16:24,180 --> 01:16:26,250
I know you took steam baths.

1302
01:16:26,420 --> 01:16:30,379
But there are some things that are more
important than stardom, fame and money.

1303
01:16:30,540 --> 01:16:32,735
I'm not gonna walk on my friends.

1304
01:16:32,900 --> 01:16:36,370
My man needs me,
and I can't let him down.

1305
01:16:43,060 --> 01:16:44,049
S YLVIA:
I beg your pardon.

1306
01:16:44,220 --> 01:16:46,450
Good afternoon.
I'm Mrs. Frank Broderick.

1307
01:16:46,620 --> 01:16:48,736
I have an appointment with Dr. Brown,
I believe.

1308
01:16:48,900 --> 01:16:50,891
Oh, yes, Mrs. Broderick,
come right this way.

1309
01:16:51,060 --> 01:16:52,652
Dr. Brown is expecting you.

1310
01:16:52,820 --> 01:16:54,299
S YLVIA:
Thank you.

1311
01:16:55,020 --> 01:16:56,578
- Mrs. Broderick.
- Hi, kid.

1312
01:16:56,740 --> 01:16:58,935
HELEN:
Oh, Mrs. Broderick.

1313
01:16:59,100 --> 01:17:00,374
Thank you so much for coming.

1314
01:17:00,540 --> 01:17:01,734
Oh, that's all right.

1315
01:17:01,900 --> 01:17:03,538
- Won't you sit down?
- Oh, thank you.

1316
01:17:03,700 --> 01:17:06,419
Oh, it's good to get out of the office
every now and then.

1317
01:17:06,580 --> 01:17:10,175
Well, what's on your mind, kid?
You seemed kind of upset.

1318
01:17:10,340 --> 01:17:14,458
Oh. Well, I've been under something
of a nervous strain.

1319
01:17:14,620 --> 01:17:18,010
Oh, well, life isn't easy, kid,
take it from me.

1320
01:17:18,180 --> 01:17:21,775
Why don't you get it off your chest?
Tell Sylvia all about it.

1321
01:17:23,260 --> 01:17:24,932
Mrs. Broderick.

1322
01:17:25,500 --> 01:17:28,651
I'm going to have to ask you
a very personal question.

1323
01:17:29,220 --> 01:17:30,209
Shoot.

1324
01:17:30,700 --> 01:17:32,736
Are you and Frank really married?

1325
01:17:33,180 --> 01:17:34,295
Dr. Brown.

1326
01:17:34,460 --> 01:17:37,054
I mean, are you married legally?

1327
01:17:37,220 --> 01:17:40,257
Well, we most certainly are.
I've got the papers to prove it.

1328
01:17:43,740 --> 01:17:45,173
I see.

1329
01:17:47,380 --> 01:17:49,211
But do you really care for him?

1330
01:17:49,580 --> 01:17:51,775
Oh, yes.

1331
01:17:51,940 --> 01:17:54,534
Frank is the most important thing
in the world to me.

1332
01:17:54,700 --> 01:17:58,932
He's the sweetest, most wonderful,
loyal, dearest...

1333
01:17:59,100 --> 01:18:00,089
[PHONE BEEPS]

1334
01:18:00,260 --> 01:18:01,978
Excuse me.

1335
01:18:02,940 --> 01:18:05,329
- Yes, Hilda.
- Dr. Brown.

1336
01:18:05,500 --> 01:18:08,697
There's a woman out here
who says she is Mrs. Frank Broderick.

1337
01:18:08,860 --> 01:18:10,896
Really?

1338
01:18:11,060 --> 01:18:14,052
That's very strange.

1339
01:18:14,220 --> 01:18:17,690
Well, would you ask her
to, uh, wait there a moment, please?

1340
01:18:18,860 --> 01:18:22,330
Mrs. Broderick,
something very confusing is happening.

1341
01:18:22,500 --> 01:18:25,014
I wonder if you would mind
waiting in the other room.

1342
01:18:25,180 --> 01:18:26,295
Oh, no, not at all.

1343
01:18:26,460 --> 01:18:29,133
I hope it won't be too long.
I hate to leave Frank alone.

1344
01:18:29,300 --> 01:18:31,894
Dr. Brown, you have no idea
how tough the competition is...

1345
01:18:32,060 --> 01:18:33,618
<i>...in</i> the women's hosiery business.

1346
01:18:33,780 --> 01:18:36,692
- I'll tell you something, it's really murder.
- Thank you.

1347
01:18:42,380 --> 01:18:44,894
I've only got a few minutes.
Frank wanted me to tell you that...

1348
01:18:45,060 --> 01:18:46,812
...even though
we've been together for 10 <i>years...</i>

1349
01:18:46,980 --> 01:18:49,175
<i>...I</i> wouldn't care a bit
if he leaves me for you. Goodbye.

1350
01:18:49,340 --> 01:18:50,978
HELEN:
Oh, wait.

1351
01:18:53,580 --> 01:18:55,730
Mrs. Broderick, are you sure...

1352
01:18:55,900 --> 01:18:58,255
...that we are talking
about the same Frank Broderick?

1353
01:18:58,420 --> 01:19:01,218
Oh, yeah, honey. He's dark
and handsome and has curly hair.

1354
01:19:01,380 --> 01:19:03,450
That's him, all right.

1355
01:19:04,220 --> 01:19:06,939
Mrs. Broderick, as far as you know...

1356
01:19:07,100 --> 01:19:09,455
...are you the only woman
that Frank has ever married?

1357
01:19:09,620 --> 01:19:10,939
Oh, I'm positive. In fact...

1358
01:19:11,100 --> 01:19:12,249
[PHONE BEEPS]

1359
01:19:12,420 --> 01:19:14,092
Excuse me.

1360
01:19:16,340 --> 01:19:17,534
Yes, Hilda.

1361
01:19:17,700 --> 01:19:20,772
There's a young lady out here
who insists she's Mrs. Frank Broderick.

1362
01:19:21,180 --> 01:19:22,932
- What?
- Well, that's just what I said.

1363
01:19:23,100 --> 01:19:24,818
She merely repeated it.

1364
01:19:26,020 --> 01:19:30,013
Well, ask her to, uh, wait.

1365
01:19:33,980 --> 01:19:36,938
Mrs. Broderick, would you mind
waiting here for a moment, please?

1366
01:19:37,100 --> 01:19:39,534
Oh, I can't, honey.
After all, I have my own career.

1367
01:19:40,060 --> 01:19:41,652
Oh, wait.

1368
01:19:41,820 --> 01:19:45,654
Then would you mind
just leaving through this door?

1369
01:19:45,820 --> 01:19:47,173
Thank you.

1370
01:19:48,060 --> 01:19:49,129
Wait.

1371
01:19:49,300 --> 01:19:50,699
- What's your first name?
- Sylvia.

1372
01:19:50,860 --> 01:19:53,499
And I hope you and Frank
have a real ball together.

1373
01:19:56,860 --> 01:19:59,135
Say, kid, I've washed my hands
three times already.

1374
01:19:59,300 --> 01:20:01,097
Would you mind waiting
one more minute?

1375
01:20:01,260 --> 01:20:02,932
I've had an emergency case.

1376
01:20:03,100 --> 01:20:05,056
Thank you, Mrs. Broderick.

1377
01:20:09,980 --> 01:20:11,254
Mrs. Broderick?

1378
01:20:11,420 --> 01:20:13,172
Dr. Brown?

1379
01:20:13,940 --> 01:20:16,090
Won't you come in, Mrs. Broderick?

1380
01:20:16,260 --> 01:20:18,410
Thank you, Dr. Brown.

1381
01:20:20,220 --> 01:20:22,654
Oh, please sit down, Mrs. Broderick.

1382
01:20:23,140 --> 01:20:24,937
Thank you.

1383
01:20:26,300 --> 01:20:29,610
Well, so you're, uh, Mrs. Broderick.

1384
01:20:29,780 --> 01:20:30,849
Oh, yes.

1385
01:20:31,020 --> 01:20:33,693
Yes, Frank and I
have been married for 10 years.

1386
01:20:34,260 --> 01:20:37,411
- Oh.
- Or, uh, six or eight.

1387
01:20:38,740 --> 01:20:40,219
It's so hard to keep track.

1388
01:20:40,380 --> 01:20:42,575
You know how time flies
when you're with Frank.

1389
01:20:43,860 --> 01:20:44,849
Yes.

1390
01:20:45,180 --> 01:20:49,014
Well, Frank sort of adopted me
when I was very young.

1391
01:20:49,180 --> 01:20:51,853
And we've been very good friends
ever since.

1392
01:20:52,380 --> 01:20:54,177
Oh, that's nice.

1393
01:20:54,340 --> 01:20:58,049
Mrs. Broderick,
does he come home to you every night?

1394
01:20:58,220 --> 01:21:01,018
Well, I really don't know.

1395
01:21:01,180 --> 01:21:02,169
You don't?

1396
01:21:02,620 --> 01:21:04,736
No, because, um...

1397
01:21:04,900 --> 01:21:06,618
Well, I don't come home every night.

1398
01:21:06,940 --> 01:21:08,737
Oh, I see.

1399
01:21:08,900 --> 01:21:10,174
[CHUCKLES]

1400
01:21:10,740 --> 01:21:13,857
- And your name is...?
- Sylvia.

1401
01:21:14,020 --> 01:21:15,533
Sylvia.

1402
01:21:17,500 --> 01:21:20,617
Dr. Brown, I just have to tell you
how grateful I am for your book.

1403
01:21:21,940 --> 01:21:22,929
I'm glad.

1404
01:21:23,100 --> 01:21:25,091
SUSAN:
Oh, boy, so am I.

1405
01:21:25,740 --> 01:21:26,775
Are you through with me?

1406
01:21:26,940 --> 01:21:29,898
Because I have a lunch date
with my boyfriend and I'm kind of late.

1407
01:21:30,060 --> 01:21:32,733
Of course. And if you happen
to see Frank, say hello for me.

1408
01:21:32,900 --> 01:21:34,015
I will.

1409
01:21:34,180 --> 01:21:36,375
Dr. Brown,
I think he's kind of stuck on you.

1410
01:21:36,540 --> 01:21:39,418
You're a very lucky girl. Bye-bye.

1411
01:21:43,260 --> 01:21:44,978
I don't usually listen at <i>keyholes...</i>

1412
01:21:45,140 --> 01:21:48,576
...but did I hear that girl say
her name was Sylvia Broderick?

1413
01:21:48,740 --> 01:21:51,937
- Mrs. Frank Broderick.
- Oh.

1414
01:21:52,980 --> 01:21:58,930
Mrs. Broderick, you and that girl
are both married to the same man.

1415
01:21:59,380 --> 01:22:00,813
What did you say?

1416
01:22:00,980 --> 01:22:03,699
- I said...
- I heard what you said.

1417
01:22:03,860 --> 01:22:09,093
You're trying to tell me
that Frank has two wives?

1418
01:22:12,900 --> 01:22:15,733
No wonder I don't have any clothes.

1419
01:22:17,420 --> 01:22:20,378
And I was almost fourth.

1420
01:22:21,980 --> 01:22:23,811
Mrs. Broderick...

1421
01:22:23,980 --> 01:22:27,450
...your husband is a very sick man.

1422
01:22:27,620 --> 01:22:30,930
Yeah, he's about to pass away.

1423
01:22:31,580 --> 01:22:35,255
Mrs. Broderick, no.
He must be handled with kid gloves.

1424
01:22:35,420 --> 01:22:38,014
Oh, good idea. No fingerprints.

1425
01:22:38,180 --> 01:22:40,250
Operator, get me the police.

1426
01:22:40,420 --> 01:22:42,615
Of course it's an emergency.

1427
01:22:42,780 --> 01:22:46,978
A man is going to be murdered
in a few minutes if they don't save him.

1428
01:22:56,900 --> 01:22:59,255
Frank Broderick? You're under arrest.

1429
01:22:59,420 --> 01:23:02,014
What for? Because I mix a little cotton
in with the nylon...

1430
01:23:02,180 --> 01:23:03,977
- For bigamy.
- Bigamy?

1431
01:23:04,140 --> 01:23:07,450
Oh, boy, you fellows got the wrong guy.
You just ask my wife Sylvia.

1432
01:23:07,620 --> 01:23:09,417
That's the one
who signed the complaint.

1433
01:23:09,580 --> 01:23:11,855
- Come on, take him away, boys.
- It's a mistake.

1434
01:23:12,020 --> 01:23:14,773
Eunice, tell them.
I never even look at another girl.

1435
01:23:14,940 --> 01:23:17,056
It's 10 years I've been married.

1436
01:23:17,500 --> 01:23:20,697
And in all those years,
I never even looked at another girl.

1437
01:23:22,540 --> 01:23:24,451
[GLASS CRASHING]

1438
01:23:25,300 --> 01:23:27,291
They used to have chimes.

1439
01:23:28,020 --> 01:23:30,329
S YLVIA:
Oh, hi, kid. Come on in.

1440
01:23:30,500 --> 01:23:33,298
I'm smashing everything I can't take.

1441
01:23:33,780 --> 01:23:36,738
I am flying to Las Vegas.

1442
01:23:37,140 --> 01:23:38,971
HELEN: For a divorce?
S YLVIA: For a good time.

1443
01:23:39,140 --> 01:23:40,334
I can't get a divorce.

1444
01:23:40,500 --> 01:23:43,492
I'm not even sure that I'm the one
that's married to him.

1445
01:23:44,140 --> 01:23:46,290
You know the part
that really stumps me?

1446
01:23:46,460 --> 01:23:48,894
How could anyone so ugly
get three girls?

1447
01:23:49,060 --> 01:23:53,417
Frank isn't ugly, Mrs. Broderick.
If anything, he's quite attractive.

1448
01:23:53,900 --> 01:23:56,175
- Him?
- Yes.

1449
01:23:56,340 --> 01:23:57,693
Him.

1450
01:23:57,860 --> 01:24:00,932
Listen, kid,
he's even a lousy stocking manufacturer.

1451
01:24:01,100 --> 01:24:02,692
Just take a look at this junk.

1452
01:24:02,860 --> 01:24:05,055
Is it any wonder
the competition's killing him?

1453
01:24:05,220 --> 01:24:06,938
- How about a drink?
- Oh, I don't drink.

1454
01:24:07,100 --> 01:24:08,089
That's ridiculous.

1455
01:24:08,260 --> 01:24:10,615
- I'm Dr. Rudy DeMeyer, I'd love one.
- Oh, so would I.

1456
01:24:10,780 --> 01:24:13,852
Mrs. Broderick,
I've brought along Dr. <i>DeMeyer...</i>

1457
01:24:14,020 --> 01:24:19,014
...to join me in pleading with you
not to punish Frank, but to help him.

1458
01:24:19,660 --> 01:24:20,934
Help him?

1459
01:24:21,820 --> 01:24:25,130
Yes, help your husband Frank.

1460
01:24:25,300 --> 01:24:26,289
Him.

1461
01:24:26,460 --> 01:24:29,657
I'd like to get your husband
out of jail where I can treat him.

1462
01:24:29,820 --> 01:24:33,893
No, I'd like to leave him in jail
until his teeth fall out.

1463
01:24:34,700 --> 01:24:38,409
Mrs. Broderick, that's not fair.

1464
01:24:39,900 --> 01:24:42,653
Your husband is very ill.

1465
01:24:43,140 --> 01:24:45,608
There's a reason
he keeps marrying all these girls.

1466
01:24:45,780 --> 01:24:48,533
A reason he only falls in love
with girls named Sylvia.

1467
01:24:48,700 --> 01:24:50,133
My name isn't Sylvia.

1468
01:24:50,300 --> 01:24:53,576
That's the one ray of hope.
He is departing from his pattern.

1469
01:24:53,740 --> 01:24:55,890
And we may be able to save him.

1470
01:24:56,060 --> 01:24:58,290
- For what?
- For what?

1471
01:24:58,460 --> 01:24:59,609
I don't know.

1472
01:25:00,460 --> 01:25:02,257
Mrs. Broderick, please.

1473
01:25:02,420 --> 01:25:05,810
I know your husband. I know him well.

1474
01:25:05,980 --> 01:25:08,255
He's opened up his heart to <i>me...</i>

1475
01:25:08,420 --> 01:25:11,014
<i>...and</i> I know that it's only you
that he loves and needs.

1476
01:25:12,020 --> 01:25:14,454
And I know that deep inside...

1477
01:25:15,100 --> 01:25:18,809
He's sweet and gentle and kind.

1478
01:25:19,900 --> 01:25:22,368
Mrs. Broderick, is this your husband?

1479
01:25:22,940 --> 01:25:24,419
Mine and everyone else's.

1480
01:25:26,300 --> 01:25:27,779
Mrs. Broderick.

1481
01:25:29,140 --> 01:25:31,017
This is not the man you're married to.

1482
01:25:31,180 --> 01:25:34,013
He's the man that's come here to sleep
for the last 10 years.

1483
01:25:34,180 --> 01:25:37,013
But this is not the man
who's been coming to my office.

1484
01:25:37,180 --> 01:25:39,694
This man is ugly.

1485
01:25:40,420 --> 01:25:44,891
Now, just a minute, doctor.
Do not talk that way about my Frank.

1486
01:25:45,060 --> 01:25:48,735
The Frank who's been coming to my
office is young, handsome and charming.

1487
01:25:48,900 --> 01:25:50,174
He looks like Jack Lemmon.

1488
01:25:50,660 --> 01:25:52,935
Oh, well, that's Bob Weston.

1489
01:25:53,100 --> 01:25:55,819
- Who?
- Bob Weston.

1490
01:25:55,980 --> 01:25:57,811
The managing editor of <i>Stop.</i>

1491
01:25:57,980 --> 01:25:59,971
He lives right next door.

1492
01:26:00,420 --> 01:26:03,173
Say, has he been coming to you
with my marriage problems?

1493
01:26:04,260 --> 01:26:07,332
Rudy, this is shocking.

1494
01:26:07,500 --> 01:26:08,774
I'm scared.

1495
01:26:08,940 --> 01:26:11,295
Is that the Bob Weston
who wrote the magazine article?

1496
01:26:11,460 --> 01:26:14,452
Oh, no, it can't be true.

1497
01:26:14,620 --> 01:26:16,372
With Bob Weston?

1498
01:26:16,540 --> 01:26:19,612
Bob Weston is the dirtiest dog around.

1499
01:26:19,780 --> 01:26:21,896
Next to Bob Weston,
do you know what Frank is?

1500
01:26:22,060 --> 01:26:23,049
A nun.

1501
01:26:23,940 --> 01:26:25,339
Rudy.

1502
01:26:25,500 --> 01:26:27,411
He's doing a story on me.

1503
01:26:27,580 --> 01:26:29,491
That's why he went so far.

1504
01:26:29,660 --> 01:26:32,697
I'd like to smash his face.

1505
01:26:32,860 --> 01:26:36,057
And what a story.
Oh, what I said to him.

1506
01:26:36,220 --> 01:26:38,131
Oh, what I did.

1507
01:26:38,300 --> 01:26:40,894
Rudy, I want to go away.

1508
01:26:41,060 --> 01:26:43,654
Before that article is published.

1509
01:26:43,820 --> 01:26:45,936
Go to Vegas, kid.
You can make a bundle.

1510
01:26:46,100 --> 01:26:49,695
I wanna go somewhere where they've
never even heard of <i>Stop</i> magazine.

1511
01:26:51,380 --> 01:26:53,018
I know.

1512
01:26:53,620 --> 01:26:55,258
Take me to Fiji.

1513
01:26:55,420 --> 01:26:56,694
Fiji?

1514
01:26:56,860 --> 01:26:58,452
Yes, Fiji.

1515
01:26:58,620 --> 01:27:01,214
Where women are women,
and men are worms.

1516
01:27:01,380 --> 01:27:04,850
Well, if you're really serious,
I'll wiggle along.

1517
01:27:05,020 --> 01:27:08,092
Take me to my apartment to pack.

1518
01:27:08,740 --> 01:27:09,775
Say, wait a minute.

1519
01:27:11,340 --> 01:27:13,570
Does that mean that Frank is innocent?

1520
01:27:14,140 --> 01:27:16,335
How do I know? I never saw him before.

1521
01:27:16,500 --> 01:27:18,297
But of course he's innocent.

1522
01:27:18,460 --> 01:27:22,339
How could he possibly be interested in
another woman when he already has me?

1523
01:27:28,860 --> 01:27:31,374
Operator, get me the police.

1524
01:27:31,540 --> 01:27:33,337
Of course it's an emergency.

1525
01:27:33,500 --> 01:27:35,934
An innocent man
has been unjustly imprisoned.

1526
01:27:36,860 --> 01:27:38,612
Oh, I could just see that Bob Weston.

1527
01:27:38,780 --> 01:27:41,613
How he must be gloating.

1528
01:27:43,700 --> 01:27:45,611
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

1529
01:27:52,380 --> 01:27:53,779
Don't be a fool, Weston.

1530
01:27:53,940 --> 01:27:56,693
Turn in your story on Helen Brown.

1531
01:27:56,860 --> 01:27:58,498
We've promised our readers.

1532
01:27:59,380 --> 01:28:00,733
Sorry, Randall.

1533
01:28:00,900 --> 01:28:03,255
Dr. Helen Brown
is a decent human being.

1534
01:28:03,420 --> 01:28:05,615
It would be indecent to malign her.

1535
01:28:05,780 --> 01:28:07,691
[GROANING AND MUTTERING]

1536
01:28:08,660 --> 01:28:11,697
CHIEF:
I'd like a word with Mr. Weston alone.

1537
01:28:19,620 --> 01:28:21,497
- Well, Bob.
- Chief?

1538
01:28:21,660 --> 01:28:24,936
It makes my heart bleed
to see you like this.

1539
01:28:25,700 --> 01:28:27,372
Think of your future.

1540
01:28:27,820 --> 01:28:30,209
Why, you have greatness in you.

1541
01:28:30,380 --> 01:28:32,814
Bob, I've come to regard you
as my own son.

1542
01:28:34,060 --> 01:28:36,130
As you know,
I have no children of my own...

1543
01:28:36,300 --> 01:28:39,895
...and I was thinking of
changing my will.

1544
01:28:42,140 --> 01:28:43,812
- It won't work, chief.
- But, son...

1545
01:28:43,980 --> 01:28:45,129
I'm sorry.

1546
01:28:45,300 --> 01:28:46,369
Very well.

1547
01:28:46,540 --> 01:28:48,496
We'll print the story
with what we've got.

1548
01:28:48,660 --> 01:28:49,649
No, you won't.

1549
01:28:49,820 --> 01:28:53,017
I'll deny any of it happened,
and she'll sue you for $ 12 million.

1550
01:28:53,180 --> 01:28:54,898
- You're despicable.
- No, despicable.

1551
01:28:55,060 --> 01:28:56,652
- Despicable.
- Yes, good.

1552
01:28:56,820 --> 01:28:57,809
- And you're through.
- Yes.

1553
01:28:57,980 --> 01:28:58,969
[CHUCKLING]

1554
01:28:59,140 --> 01:29:00,368
And when I'm finished with <i>you...</i>

1555
01:29:00,540 --> 01:29:03,532
...no decent publication in the country
will hire you.

1556
01:29:04,060 --> 01:29:06,290
Get out. Get out.

1557
01:29:06,460 --> 01:29:08,052
Get out.

1558
01:29:22,780 --> 01:29:23,815
Susan?

1559
01:29:23,980 --> 01:29:25,857
[SUSAN GIGGLING]

1560
01:29:26,620 --> 01:29:28,497
Susan, Sylve...

1561
01:29:28,660 --> 01:29:32,130
Susan, after all the years
you've been my secretary, the lea...

1562
01:29:32,300 --> 01:29:35,576
Well, the least you could do
is stop while I'm talking to you.

1563
01:29:36,700 --> 01:29:37,928
Weston, get out.

1564
01:29:38,100 --> 01:29:39,977
This is not your office anymore,
but mine.

1565
01:29:40,140 --> 01:29:41,289
This is my secretary.

1566
01:29:41,460 --> 01:29:43,337
Poor, poor Sylvester.

1567
01:29:43,500 --> 01:29:45,570
I taught you every rotten thing
you know.

1568
01:29:45,740 --> 01:29:47,139
Yeah, and look what it's got me.

1569
01:29:47,300 --> 01:29:50,451
Your office, your job, your secretary,
even your clothes.

1570
01:29:50,620 --> 01:29:53,180
While you, Weston, you're all finished.

1571
01:29:53,340 --> 01:29:56,252
That's what you think, Sylvester.
For me, it's only the beginning.

1572
01:29:56,420 --> 01:29:59,059
You may have the money
and the power and sex...

1573
01:29:59,460 --> 01:30:01,178
<i>...but</i> I've got love.

1574
01:30:11,060 --> 01:30:12,049
Taxi.

1575
01:30:12,220 --> 01:30:15,576
- Your wife says she's coming to get you.
- She'll never have another chance.

1576
01:30:15,740 --> 01:30:19,415
I'm heading back to the office to get my
sample case, then I'm flying to Hawaii.

1577
01:30:19,580 --> 01:30:21,457
Taxi.

1578
01:30:24,380 --> 01:30:25,495
- Main and 40th.
- Thank you.

1579
01:30:25,660 --> 01:30:27,378
You're welcome, and hurry.

1580
01:30:33,140 --> 01:30:34,892
- Taxi.
- You must have just missed him.

1581
01:30:35,060 --> 01:30:36,812
He was afraid you wouldn't forgive him.

1582
01:30:36,980 --> 01:30:39,289
Forgive him? I want him to forgive me.

1583
01:30:39,460 --> 01:30:40,813
I want to crawl on my knees.

1584
01:30:40,980 --> 01:30:42,857
Taxi.

1585
01:30:44,220 --> 01:30:46,450
Main and 40th,
and don't stop for anything.

1586
01:30:46,620 --> 01:30:50,818
Certainly, but we'll get there just as fast
if we relax and take our time, won't we?

1587
01:30:50,980 --> 01:30:51,969
What?

1588
01:30:52,140 --> 01:30:56,497
You get this cab moving
or I'll wrap it around your neck.

1589
01:31:05,140 --> 01:31:06,573
Uh...

1590
01:31:06,740 --> 01:31:08,412
Well, excuse me, but what's happening?

1591
01:31:08,580 --> 01:31:11,890
- Why are they tearing down the building?
- Hilton's putting up a hotel here.

1592
01:31:12,060 --> 01:31:13,971
BOB:
A hotel?

1593
01:31:14,420 --> 01:31:17,173
Well, what happened to the institute?
Where is everyone?

1594
01:31:17,340 --> 01:31:20,650
There is no more institute.
Offenbach ran away with the money.

1595
01:31:20,820 --> 01:31:22,139
Chickering ran away to Europe.

1596
01:31:22,300 --> 01:31:25,656
And me, I'm going into politics,
where the real money is.

1597
01:31:25,820 --> 01:31:28,334
You know where Hele...
I mean, Dr. Brown is?

1598
01:31:28,500 --> 01:31:31,333
Yes, although it was all her fault.

1599
01:31:31,500 --> 01:31:33,536
She ran away with Rudy to Fiji.

1600
01:31:33,700 --> 01:31:36,533
I think you can still catch her at home
if you wanna offer congratulations...

1601
01:31:36,700 --> 01:31:37,974
Fiji!

1602
01:31:38,140 --> 01:31:40,495
Okay, Joe, let her go.

1603
01:31:48,220 --> 01:31:50,051
To the airport, as fast as you can drive.

1604
01:31:50,220 --> 01:31:52,370
That's all I want,
a chance to show what I can do.

1605
01:31:52,540 --> 01:31:53,893
Hold onto your seats.

1606
01:32:01,220 --> 01:32:03,973
Helen, wait.

1607
01:32:12,860 --> 01:32:15,454
He's coming after us. Faster, faster.

1608
01:32:15,620 --> 01:32:16,848
Ha! Watch my smoke, lady.

1609
01:32:17,020 --> 01:32:19,739
I could have been an astronaut,
but the pace was too slow.

1610
01:32:26,620 --> 01:32:27,894
[CAR HORN HONKS]

1611
01:32:30,340 --> 01:32:31,455
There he goes. Catch him.

1612
01:32:31,620 --> 01:32:33,099
Look, lady, there are speed laws.

1613
01:32:33,260 --> 01:32:34,613
Shut up and drive.

1614
01:32:41,780 --> 01:32:43,577
Okay, driver, you can slow down now.

1615
01:32:43,740 --> 01:32:44,889
HELEN:
Yeah.

1616
01:32:45,060 --> 01:32:46,493
We've lost him, all right.

1617
01:32:46,660 --> 01:32:48,935
See that? Nobody passes Speed Vogel.

1618
01:32:49,100 --> 01:32:50,453
Nobody even catches up.

1619
01:33:01,180 --> 01:33:03,455
He's losing us. Faster, faster.

1620
01:33:03,620 --> 01:33:07,169
Lady, I'm a law-abiding man.
Also, I'm accident prone.

1621
01:33:07,340 --> 01:33:10,013
You better catch that car
or I'll break your other arm.

1622
01:33:13,020 --> 01:33:15,898
Bob, Bob, come here.

1623
01:33:16,660 --> 01:33:17,649
Come here.

1624
01:33:17,820 --> 01:33:20,288
Sylvia, I can't stop now.
I've gotta find Helen.

1625
01:33:20,460 --> 01:33:23,020
I don't care about Helen.
Frank's up ahead.

1626
01:33:23,180 --> 01:33:26,855
You go tell him
I love him and want to apologize.

1627
01:33:37,340 --> 01:33:38,455
Frank.

1628
01:33:38,620 --> 01:33:40,133
Hey, where you going?

1629
01:33:40,740 --> 01:33:42,537
Sylvia's coming behind in a cab to...

1630
01:33:47,140 --> 01:33:49,256
Frank! Whew.

1631
01:33:55,260 --> 01:33:57,057
Rudy, isn't that Frank Broderick?

1632
01:33:57,220 --> 01:33:59,256
Why, no, I think, that's Jack Lemmon.

1633
01:33:59,420 --> 01:34:01,331
Helen, wait.
I've got something to tell you.

1634
01:34:01,500 --> 01:34:02,489
I hate you.

1635
01:34:02,660 --> 01:34:04,457
- How? You don't even know me.
HELEN: Yes, I do.

1636
01:34:04,620 --> 01:34:08,056
You're Bob Weston of <i>Stop</i> magazine,
the dirtiest fink I've ever known.

1637
01:34:08,220 --> 01:34:10,609
- Faster, Mr. Vogel.
BOB: Helen, wait.

1638
01:34:15,300 --> 01:34:17,655
Faster, faster.

1639
01:34:17,820 --> 01:34:20,732
- Can't you go any faster?
- Lady, lady, please.

1640
01:34:42,460 --> 01:34:45,020
Speeders on the bridge. Head them off
before they reach the highway.

1641
01:34:45,180 --> 01:34:46,169
[MAN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY ON PHONE]

1642
01:34:46,340 --> 01:34:47,568
Some kind of a white convertible.

1643
01:34:47,740 --> 01:34:50,413
It looked like a blue Bentley
inside of a yellow cab.

1644
01:35:10,780 --> 01:35:12,691
[SIREN WAILING]

1645
01:35:42,340 --> 01:35:43,614
[SPLUTTERING]

1646
01:35:48,540 --> 01:35:50,053
[HORNS HONKING]

1647
01:35:51,020 --> 01:35:53,898
Pay no attention, Harvey.
Don't let them rush you.

1648
01:35:54,060 --> 01:35:55,129
Of course, Emily.

1649
01:36:04,500 --> 01:36:06,616
Hold it there, mister.

1650
01:36:10,180 --> 01:36:11,772
All right, where's the fire?

1651
01:36:14,900 --> 01:36:18,290
- Frank.
- Bob, you know me.

1652
01:36:18,460 --> 01:36:21,532
In 10 long years, did I ever once
glance at another woman?

1653
01:36:21,700 --> 01:36:25,090
- And now she wants to...
- No, no, no, Sylvia loves you.

1654
01:36:25,260 --> 01:36:27,137
She wants to apologize. Stop for her.

1655
01:36:27,660 --> 01:36:29,969
Really? I can't stop.

1656
01:36:30,140 --> 01:36:33,337
BOB: Why not?
- I got a girl in the back.

1657
01:36:33,860 --> 01:36:35,259
Gretchen.

1658
01:36:35,420 --> 01:36:37,217
What are you doing with him?

1659
01:36:37,380 --> 01:36:39,416
Oh, you go home to your Dr. Brown.

1660
01:36:39,580 --> 01:36:42,014
- Bob, take her in your car, will you?
BOB: Why should I?

1661
01:36:42,180 --> 01:36:45,331
FRANK: So I can go back for Sylvia.
BOB: I can't, Frank, I gotta catch Helen.

1662
01:36:58,900 --> 01:36:59,969
Sylvia.

1663
01:37:08,380 --> 01:37:09,972
Helen.

1664
01:37:10,300 --> 01:37:12,097
You're the only girl in the world for me.

1665
01:37:12,260 --> 01:37:13,249
I had to lie.

1666
01:37:13,420 --> 01:37:15,729
But I swear, I'll never lie again. Never.

1667
01:37:15,900 --> 01:37:17,413
HELEN:
Then what are you doing with her?

1668
01:37:17,580 --> 01:37:19,491
- Get moving, Speed.
- She's a strange person.

1669
01:37:19,660 --> 01:37:22,254
I've never seen her in my life before.

1670
01:37:24,460 --> 01:37:26,451
I gotta stop her from ruining her life.

1671
01:37:31,580 --> 01:37:33,298
That maniac, I'll fix him.

1672
01:37:34,460 --> 01:37:35,654
BOB:
No, no, no, now, cool down.

1673
01:37:35,820 --> 01:37:36,809
Now, take it easy.

1674
01:37:36,980 --> 01:37:39,414
Now, now, no, now, watch yourself.

1675
01:37:43,900 --> 01:37:45,458
To the airport, as fast as you can.

1676
01:37:45,620 --> 01:37:47,292
Right, mister. All I want is a chance.

1677
01:37:47,460 --> 01:37:50,133
- Where do you think you're taking me?
- Anywhere you wanna go.

1678
01:37:50,300 --> 01:37:51,449
On our honeymoon.

1679
01:37:58,460 --> 01:38:00,291
RUD Y:
Taxi, taxi.

1680
01:38:01,340 --> 01:38:03,331
- Where's the driver?
- I had to throw him out.

1681
01:38:03,500 --> 01:38:05,968
- I couldn't get him to move.
- Move, I gotta catch Helen.

1682
01:38:06,140 --> 01:38:09,177
- Well, I've gotta catch Frank.
- I'll catch Frank.

1683
01:38:14,380 --> 01:38:16,336
Bob, Bob.

1684
01:38:16,500 --> 01:38:18,297
- Frank, Frank.
- Helen, Helen.

1685
01:38:18,460 --> 01:38:20,815
Sylvia, Sylvia.

1686
01:38:20,980 --> 01:38:22,698
My taxi, my taxi.

1687
01:38:22,860 --> 01:38:24,771
[HORN HONKING]

1688
01:38:57,140 --> 01:39:00,416
If you don't stop at once, I'll have
you both arrested for kidnapping.

1689
01:39:00,580 --> 01:39:02,377
Well, just let me find an exit.

1690
01:39:02,540 --> 01:39:05,008
Hey, pass me a pretzel, will you?

1691
01:39:11,420 --> 01:39:13,934
- Stop, you sex fiend.
- Yes, ma'am.

1692
01:39:26,780 --> 01:39:28,532
Sylvia, dreamboat, I've been looking...

1693
01:39:28,700 --> 01:39:29,974
Where'd you get the pretzel?

1694
01:39:30,140 --> 01:39:33,655
S YLVIA:
Oh, Frank. Here you are, pussycat.

1695
01:39:34,420 --> 01:39:36,650
- Hey, Helen.
- Frank, look out.

1696
01:39:44,900 --> 01:39:46,811
[HORNS HONKING]

1697
01:39:53,180 --> 01:39:54,295
BOB: Helen.
- Keep away from me.

1698
01:39:54,460 --> 01:39:56,178
- Keep away from me.
- Hey, my taxi fare.

1699
01:39:56,340 --> 01:39:57,978
- Hey, hey.
- Helen.

1700
01:39:58,140 --> 01:39:59,858
Helen, will you please let me explain?

1701
01:40:00,020 --> 01:40:01,931
HELEN: Keep away from me, stay away.
BOB: I love you.

1702
01:40:02,100 --> 01:40:03,169
S YLVIA:
Frank.

1703
01:40:03,340 --> 01:40:04,455
BOB: Helen.
HELEN: Get away from me.

1704
01:40:04,620 --> 01:40:05,609
RUD Y:
Helen, come on.

1705
01:40:09,260 --> 01:40:11,171
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

1706
01:40:11,900 --> 01:40:14,130
BOB:
Would you believe this?

1707
01:40:35,340 --> 01:40:38,059
DRIVER:
My taxi, my taxi.

1708
01:40:39,500 --> 01:40:41,411
My taxi, my taxi.

1709
01:40:47,140 --> 01:40:49,973
My motorcycle, my motorcycle.

1710
01:40:52,100 --> 01:40:54,853
- There's that cop again.
- Harvey, look out.

1711
01:40:55,020 --> 01:40:56,931
[CRASHING]

1712
01:41:08,020 --> 01:41:09,658
Helen, that night in your apartment...

1713
01:41:09,820 --> 01:41:11,094
Oh, shut up.

1714
01:41:11,260 --> 01:41:13,330
She loved me then. Can you deny it?

1715
01:41:13,500 --> 01:41:15,138
- Rudy, kick them out.
- No.

1716
01:41:15,300 --> 01:41:16,528
You didn't answer him.

1717
01:41:16,700 --> 01:41:18,930
Oh, shut up.
You are just as impossible as he is.

1718
01:41:19,100 --> 01:41:20,328
I think they're both cute.

1719
01:41:20,500 --> 01:41:21,899
Well, thank you, my dear.

1720
01:41:22,060 --> 01:41:24,016
- And your name is?
- Gretchen.

1721
01:41:24,180 --> 01:41:26,694
Tell me, Gretchen, do you like to dance?

1722
01:41:37,660 --> 01:41:39,252
S YLVIA:
Hey.

1723
01:41:39,420 --> 01:41:40,409
Where's Frank?

1724
01:41:40,580 --> 01:41:42,138
BOB:
Will you tell her that I love her?

1725
01:41:42,300 --> 01:41:44,097
He loves you. That's why he lost his job.

1726
01:41:44,260 --> 01:41:46,296
Yeah, because
he wouldn't do that dirty story.

1727
01:41:46,460 --> 01:41:47,688
S YLVIA: Frank.
FRANK: Sylvia.

1728
01:41:47,860 --> 01:41:50,135
Oh, Frank, darling,
I'll never let you leave me.

1729
01:41:50,300 --> 01:41:51,449
FRANK:
Sylvia, I love you.

1730
01:41:51,620 --> 01:41:54,578
Frank, you're taking me to Hawaii
and don't you forget it.

1731
01:41:54,740 --> 01:41:56,093
In front of my wife?

1732
01:41:56,260 --> 01:41:58,251
Frank? Frank!

1733
01:41:58,420 --> 01:42:00,570
Catch that car
or I'll make you take me to Hawaii.

1734
01:42:00,740 --> 01:42:02,458
You hot-rodders are a menace.

1735
01:42:02,620 --> 01:42:03,609
[INAUDIBLE]

1736
01:42:03,780 --> 01:42:06,931
Hey, officer, where's Bob?

1737
01:42:07,100 --> 01:42:08,089
OFFICER:
Who's Bob?

1738
01:42:08,260 --> 01:42:10,933
Friend of mine in a car like yours,
just went shooting by.

1739
01:42:11,100 --> 01:42:13,773
Speeding, huh? Watch me get him.

1740
01:42:21,500 --> 01:42:23,730
And that's the story I wanted to run.

1741
01:42:23,900 --> 01:42:25,458
How your advice saved a marriage...

1742
01:42:25,620 --> 01:42:28,578
...of a faithful stocking manufacturer
and his jealous wife.

1743
01:42:28,740 --> 01:42:30,219
That's the reason they fired me.

1744
01:42:30,380 --> 01:42:32,689
Oh, how you all lie so easily.

1745
01:42:32,860 --> 01:42:35,135
And stick up for each other.
You make me sick.

1746
01:42:36,100 --> 01:42:38,898
My taxi, my taxi.

1747
01:43:16,740 --> 01:43:18,810
All right, buddy, pull over.

1748
01:43:40,340 --> 01:43:42,251
[CRYING]

1749
01:43:42,420 --> 01:43:46,174
BOB: Helen, it began all wrong.
Can we start from the beginning?

1750
01:43:46,340 --> 01:43:49,616
Yes, as enemies. I hate you.

1751
01:43:50,620 --> 01:43:53,009
Hot dog. What a sexy slap.

1752
01:43:53,180 --> 01:43:55,933
What are you trying to do,
discourage him or satisfy yourself?

1753
01:43:56,100 --> 01:43:57,738
I won't be dominated by any man.

1754
01:43:57,900 --> 01:44:00,255
I'd gladly be dominated by any man.

1755
01:44:00,420 --> 01:44:03,253
Is that what you think
I'm trying to do, dominate you?

1756
01:44:03,420 --> 01:44:05,411
Well, I never dug a chick
like you, anyway.

1757
01:44:05,580 --> 01:44:07,536
Thanks for turning me down.

1758
01:44:07,700 --> 01:44:09,816
Really? Well, don't mention it.

1759
01:44:09,980 --> 01:44:12,540
Buster, you can have her back.
I don't want her.

1760
01:44:12,700 --> 01:44:14,691
Gretchen, I'm taking you to Hawaii.

1761
01:44:14,860 --> 01:44:16,134
Okay, honey.

1762
01:44:27,740 --> 01:44:30,049
- Sylvia.
- Frank.

1763
01:44:32,060 --> 01:44:34,255
No, no, no.
I'm taking Gretchen to Hawaii.

1764
01:44:34,420 --> 01:44:37,412
Thank heaven. Here are your tickets.

1765
01:44:40,420 --> 01:44:42,775
- My sunshine.
- Oh, my very own.

1766
01:44:42,940 --> 01:44:44,578
Oh, let's go.

1767
01:45:14,140 --> 01:45:15,289
[WHISTLE BLOWS]

1768
01:45:15,460 --> 01:45:17,496
Now, hear this. Now, hear this.

1769
01:45:17,660 --> 01:45:18,934
You're all under arrest.

1770
01:45:19,100 --> 01:45:21,170
This whole airport is under arrest!

1771
01:45:21,340 --> 01:45:25,970
Every plane, every truck, every car, every
person in this airport is under arrest.

1772
01:45:26,140 --> 01:45:29,132
And I don't want nobody leaving
this airport without orders from me.

1773
01:45:29,300 --> 01:45:30,449
And them there is orders.

1774
01:45:30,620 --> 01:45:33,293
- To go to Hawaii with that Rudy.
- Forget about that Rudy.

1775
01:45:33,460 --> 01:45:35,974
He's going to the Fiji Islands
with that screwy kid.

1776
01:45:36,140 --> 01:45:39,576
You there in that control tower, I want
you to throw off all your switches...

1777
01:45:39,740 --> 01:45:41,014
...put out that beacon.

1778
01:45:41,180 --> 01:45:44,695
You up there, bring that plane down.

1779
01:45:44,860 --> 01:45:47,169
That's right.
That's right, bring it on down.

1780
01:45:47,340 --> 01:45:49,410
You people out there on the highway,
pull over.

1781
01:45:49,580 --> 01:45:51,059
I wanna see everybody's license.

1782
01:45:51,220 --> 01:45:53,575
I wanna see your driver's license,
pilot license...

1783
01:45:53,740 --> 01:45:56,857
...transport license,
hangar license, building license...

1784
01:45:57,020 --> 01:45:58,373
<i>...see</i> your "license" license.

1785
01:45:58,540 --> 01:46:02,169
And everybody everywhere
is under arrest.

1786
01:46:02,580 --> 01:46:05,014
It's all that Bob Weston's fault.
What a friend.

1787
01:46:05,180 --> 01:46:07,569
Yeah, and she tried to convince me
you were a bigamist.

1788
01:46:07,740 --> 01:46:09,776
Would I ever so much
as look at another woman?

1789
01:46:09,940 --> 01:46:13,057
That's right, this is the chief.
Get it here fast.

1790
01:46:14,460 --> 01:46:16,257
WOMAN [OVER PA]:
<i>American Airlines Flight 44...</i>

1791
01:46:16,420 --> 01:46:19,218
<i>... connecting for Las Vegas,</i>
<i>Hawaii and the Fiji Islands.</i>

1792
01:46:19,380 --> 01:46:21,052
<i>- All passengers to Gate 88.</i>
HELEN: Rudy.

1793
01:46:21,220 --> 01:46:23,051
I don't wanna go to Fiji.

1794
01:46:23,220 --> 01:46:26,132
I don't wanna be a single girl.

1795
01:46:27,100 --> 01:46:29,489
I want Bob Weston.

1796
01:46:29,660 --> 01:46:31,616
Now, isn't that ironic.

1797
01:46:32,060 --> 01:46:35,336
You wrote a book teaching single girls
everywhere how to land their men...

1798
01:46:35,500 --> 01:46:37,730
<i>...and</i> now you can't even land
the one you want.

1799
01:46:37,900 --> 01:46:41,495
I know exactly how to get him back.

1800
01:46:41,660 --> 01:46:43,332
Just you watch.

1801
01:46:43,500 --> 01:46:45,411
WOMAN:
<i>American Airlines Flight 44...</i>

1802
01:46:45,580 --> 01:46:48,538
<i>... connecting for Las Vegas,</i>
<i>Hawaii and the Fiji Islands.</i>

1803
01:46:48,700 --> 01:46:51,055
<i>All passengers to Gate 88.</i>

1804
01:46:51,220 --> 01:46:56,055
<i>Flight 44 at Gate 88, leaving at 4:48.</i>

1805
01:47:01,820 --> 01:47:03,412
[HELEN CRYING]

1806
01:47:11,420 --> 01:47:15,732
Oh, Helen, come on, now.
No, it's not necessary to cry.

1807
01:47:15,900 --> 01:47:18,653
Oh, Helen, no, no, no.

1808
01:47:18,820 --> 01:47:22,813
Everything's gonna be all right.
No, there's no reason to cry.

1809
01:47:22,980 --> 01:47:25,813
I want all moving vehicles everywhere
to halt.

1810
01:47:26,140 --> 01:47:29,655
BOB: No, everything's gonna be fine.
- Thank you.

1811
01:47:29,820 --> 01:47:30,809
Helen, no...

1812
01:47:30,980 --> 01:47:36,418
WOMAN: <i>Airline Flight 106 for Fiji,</i>
<i>Auckland, Sydney and Melbourne.</i>

1813
01:47:36,580 --> 01:47:38,252
<i>Now boarding at Gate 26.</i>

1814
01:47:38,420 --> 01:47:39,853
- <i>Thank you.</i>
- Whew.

1815
01:47:40,020 --> 01:47:43,729
I'm glad we finally got rid
of those two pests.

1816
01:47:50,660 --> 01:47:54,130
I got them. Let's get on that plane before
we get tangled up with those pests.

1817
01:47:54,300 --> 01:47:57,975
Oh, a second honeymoon.
Where are you taking me, moogie?

1818
01:47:58,140 --> 01:48:00,370
To the Fiji Islands, baby.

1819
01:48:00,540 --> 01:48:03,293
Our marriage can survive there because
the women don't wear stockings.

1820
01:48:03,460 --> 01:48:04,734
Aw.

1821
01:48:05,860 --> 01:48:08,738
But if I'm giving up my practice
to become your wife...

1822
01:48:08,900 --> 01:48:10,856
<i>...and</i> you've lost your <i>job...</i>

1823
01:48:11,020 --> 01:48:13,375
...then how would you support me
after the honeymoon?

1824
01:48:13,540 --> 01:48:16,100
I've got a better job with <i>Dirt</i> magazine.

1825
01:48:16,540 --> 01:48:18,258
Now, now, let me explain.

1826
01:48:18,660 --> 01:48:22,972
They want me to take that filthy rag
and turn it into the most influential...

1827
01:48:23,140 --> 01:48:25,574
...most respected news magazine
in the whole world.

1828
01:48:29,220 --> 01:48:30,733
WOMAN:
<i>Your attention, please.</i>

1829
01:48:30,900 --> 01:48:35,451
<i>Airline Flight 110</i>
<i>for Wake Island, Wong Island...</i>

1830
01:48:35,620 --> 01:48:40,330
<i>... Tokyo and Hong Kong,</i>
<i>now boarding at Gate 24.</i>

1831
01:48:42,180 --> 01:48:43,408
Come on, folks, stand back.

1832
01:48:43,580 --> 01:48:46,333
Everything is under control. Stand back.

1833
01:48:46,500 --> 01:48:49,412
Stand back, everything's under control.
Stand back.

1834
01:48:49,820 --> 01:48:52,334
Your red light and siren
in good working order?

1835
01:48:52,500 --> 01:48:53,489
Yes, sir.

1836
01:48:53,660 --> 01:48:55,093
Driver...

1837
01:48:56,260 --> 01:48:58,216
...follow that plane.

1838
01:49:37,300 --> 01:49:39,291
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

1839
01:49:39,460 --> 01:49:41,451
[ENGLISH SDH]